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Accountant jokes

  
Requested in Jobs & Business by JustMe
edited by MC Hacker

11 Jokes

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What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
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What is an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humor.
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What is a shy and retiring accountant?
An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
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If an accountant's wife can't sleep what does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me more about your work?"
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A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor received the results and said, "I have some grave news for you. You only have 6 months to live."

The patient asked "oh no! what should I do?"

The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."

"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.

"No," said the doctor, "but it will definitely SEEM longer."
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An accountant was having a hard time sleeping so he went see his doctor. "I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"I did. Then I made a mistake and spent 3 hours trying to find it!"
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"What kind of answer did you have in mind?"
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How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft?
When he actually listens to Marketing before saying "no."
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What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality
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What's the difference between a tragedy and a catastrophe?
A tragedy is a ship full of accountants sinking in a storm. A catastrophe is when they can all swim.
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An accountant knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

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