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Age jokes

  
Requested in Health & Beauty by MC Hacker
edited by MC Hacker

19 Jokes

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A little old lady comes into the kitchen and tells her husband "Honey, just look at me. My legs are heavy, my thighs are getting big, and my boobs are sagging. I could really use a compliment about now." The husband replies "You have really good eyesight!"
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For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to see a movie. He stopped at the concession stand before the movie to buy some popcorn.

He handed the attendant $1.50. He commented "the last time I came to the movies popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a smirk, "you're really going to enjoy yourself; we have sound now."
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A woman walked up to an old man in a rocking chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" He replied "I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day, drink a case of whiskey every week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?" He said "I'm 26."
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A reporter asked a 104 year-old woman "what do you like most about being 104?" She replied "no peer pressure."
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What is the best thing about turning 65?
No more calls from insurance salesmen.
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A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-old woman. "What is the best thing about being 104?" he asked her.

"No peer pressure," she replied.
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How do you know you're getting old?
Your knees buckle but your belt won't.
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How do you know you're getting old?
You have dry dreams and wet farts.
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Bob: How old are you?
Billy: I'm 8.
Bob: I remember when I was your age. I was 8 too.
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"In dog years I'm dead..."
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Middle age is when your age starts showing around your middle.
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"She's not pushing 40... she's clinging on to it for dear life!"
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"I'm old but I still got it! Now why doesn't anyone want it?"
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Few women admit their age; few men act theirs.
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Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it.
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What is the difference between a 40-year-old man and a 40-year-old woman?
A 40-year-old woman dreams of having children. A 40-year-old man dreams of dating them.
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What goes up but never goes down?
Your age
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You're never too old to learn something stupid.
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2 old ladies are going down the street in their car. They go through 2 red lights. The first old lady speaks her mind.

"Would you watch it! you've run through 2 red lights!" she says

The other old lady replies "I thought you were driving."
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