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Blonde jokes

  
Requested in Misc. Themes by MC Hacker
edited by MC Hacker

54 Jokes

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3 blondes were driving down the highway on the way to Disneyland. They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
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How do you kill a blonde?
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hair dryer.
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What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations
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What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for days.
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Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the 11 button.
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Why did the blonde fail her driver's ed test?
She wasn't used to using the front seat!
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Why don't blondes make good cattle herders?
Because they can never keep two calves together.
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Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Everyone gets a turn.
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Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm
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How would a blonde punctuate the sentence "Fun fun fun worry worry worry?"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
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A blonde with attention-deficit disorder called her cable company and asked if she could watch television shows in ADHD.
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Why did the blonde get pulled over by police?
Her headlights were broken so she was flashing people.
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A man was mowing grass in his frontyard when his blonde female neighbor came out of her house. She went to the mailbox, opened it, slammed it closed and stormed back to the house.

A little later she came out of the house again. She went straight to the mailbox again, opened it, and slammed it again. She stomped back to her house in anger.

The man was about to edge his lawn when she came out again. She marched on to the mailbox, opened it up and then slammed it shut harder than ever. The man was at a loss as to why she kept doing this. He asked "Is there something wrong?" She replied "There definitely is! My stupid computer keeps telling me 'You've got mail!'"
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What do you call 3 blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes
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3 blondes just finished a jigsaw puzzle so they celebrate by going out. They walk in the bar shouting "61 days, 61 days!" The bartender walks over to them and asks curiously "Why do you keep saying 61 days?" One of the them answers "because the box said 3 - 6 years!"
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Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
She didn't need one for nights.
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How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.
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Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop!
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What stops then starts then stops then starts?
A blonde at a blinking red light.
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Did you hear about the new soda pop just for blondes?
It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.
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A blond walks into a doctor's office with both ears burnt. The doctor asks what happened. She says "I was ironing my suit and the phone rang. I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake."

"That explains one ear" the doctor says. "But what about the other?"

"He called again!"
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What is difference between blondes and ironing boards?
It's hard to open the legs of an ironing board.
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How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
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What do a blonde and a car have in common?
They can both drive you crazy!
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The blonde wanted to dye her hair back to its original color. The problem was remembering what that was.
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How do you know a blonde has been using the computer?
There is cheese in front of the mouse.
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Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine?
She demanded $200,000 and a parachute.
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What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A Space Invader.
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How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It's the one with the kickstand.
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Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?
To remind her that "toes go in first."
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What do you call a line of blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel
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A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy-looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked "where did you get that?" The pig replied "I won her in a raffle!"
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Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A blonde was trying to shoot herself.
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Two women saw a blond walk by. One asked the other "do you think she's a natural blond or bleached blond?" The other said "she's a suicide blond." The first asked what that was. "Dyed by her own hand!" said the other.
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A blonde calls the fire department because her house was on fire. They ask her how to get there and she says "duh, the big red truck!"
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Why don't you see blonde pharmacists?
They can't get the bottles into the typewriter!
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How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers all her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
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What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say "stop."
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Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
She tried to blow out light bulbs.
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Why don't blondes like audiobooks?
There aren't any pictures.
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What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blonds crazy?
A hundred dollar bill.
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How do you know a blond has been using a dishwasher?
It's clogged up with paper plates.
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What did the blonde do when she heard 90% of accidents occur near the home?
She moved.
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What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see any!
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Where do you look for blonde's obituaries?
Under "Home Improvements"
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How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?
Tell her a joke on a Monday!
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What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period.
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Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman opposed to a normal one?
You have to hollow out the head.
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Did you hear about the blonde that hijacked a plane?
Yeah, neither did I.
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What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
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What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake?
"Uh oh. It's an earthquake!"
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Why is a blonde's coffin shaped like a Y?
Because every time she hits her back her legs spread!
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Did you hear about the blonde who lost half her brain? Her husband died.
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There was a brunette,red head and a blonde stranded and board on an island. They find a genie lamp the genie says they have three wishes. The brunette wishes she could go to the city. The red head also wishes to go to the city. And then the blonde says I miss my friend I wish they could come back.
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