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Chuck Norris jokes

  

34 Jokes

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Chuck Norris doesn't lick stamps... He looks at them and they wet themselves.
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Chuck Norris can't smoke weed because it's impossible for Chuck Norris to take a hit.
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My son left his Chuck Norris action figure in my daughter's room. Now all her Barbies are pregnant.
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Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.
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God: Let there be light!
Chuck Norris: Say please.
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A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
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Chuck Norris' homework ate my dog!
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When Chuck Norris fails a job interview he starts Monday.
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Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
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The bible was originally title "Chuck Norris and Friends."
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Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
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If Chuck Norris competed in the Olympics they would just cancel the games. Every 4 years they would just mail Chuck all 237 gold medals.
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Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
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Santa Claus writes letters to Chuck Norris.
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Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris is speeding the speed limit increases.
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Chuck Norris can shoplift online.
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Chuck Norris once killed a man on February 30th and then told the calendar to forget it ever happened.
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When Chuck Norris runs a red light the police officer gives the light a ticket for not being green.
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Chuck Norris put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
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Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling aliens "don't make me come up there!"
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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A cobra once bit Chuck Norris' leg. After 6 days of excruciating pain the cobra died.
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President Roosevelt's full quote is rarely heard... "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
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Mimes speak to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris ran for office and the office ran away.
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Chuck Norris went to a psychic to warn her.
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In Texas Chuck Norris IS the death penalty!
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In God we trust but God trusts Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris sank your battleship.
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People with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris was once attacked bij an extremely venomous snake, and after 6 days of excruciating pain the snake finally died.
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When Chuck Norris jumps in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. The water becomes Chuck Norris
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