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Clean Lawyer jokes

  
Requested in Childrens & Clean by JustMe
edited by MC Hacker

21 Jokes

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99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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"Criminal Lawyer" is redundant.
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What do lawyers do after they die?
They lie still.
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How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
"Say 'fees!'"
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What did the disgruntled lawyer tell the judge?
"Get off my case!"
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Client: So you're a high-priced lawyer... If I give you $500 will you answer 2 questions for me?
Lawyer: Definitely! What's the 2nd question?
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What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge?
Pollution

What do you call all lawyers thrown off a bridge?
Solution
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What is the difference between a dry cleaner and a lawyer?
The cleaner pays if he loses your suit. A lawyer can lose your suit and still take you to the cleaners!
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It was so cold out the other day I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.
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Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to get paid?
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What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
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What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy
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What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits
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What do you get a lawyer for his birthday?
Briefs
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An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or possibly years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer!
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What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick
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How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them...
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Lawyer: I finally finished this 10,000-word paper.
Secretary: What is it?
Lawyer: It's a brief.
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What do you call a nun who becomes an attorney?
Sister in law

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