Fake Parking Tickets
Being an idiot isn't a crime so you're free to go

Smartass Shirts

Clean Marriage jokes

  

39 Jokes

2 like 0 dislike
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity...
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
1 like 0 dislike
In the first year of marriage the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year the woman speaks while the man listens. In the third year they both speak and the neighbors listen!
1 like 0 dislike
What does a marriage do?
It puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
In some countries the punishment for shoplifting is marriage.
1 like 0 dislike
Woman: I was the one who made my husband a millionaire.
Friend: What was he before you married him?
Woman: A multi-millionaire.
1 like 0 dislike
Man is incomplete until he's married. Then he's finished!
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
"My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps writing in her diary."
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, it takes 3 people to pull us apart!
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
"We're equal partners in our marriage. I'm the silent one..."
0 like 0 dislike
Man: Do clever men make good husbands?
Sage: Clever men don't BECOME husbands.
0 like 0 dislike
I married Ms. Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
Written on the wall in the ladies room... "My husband follows me everywhere." Under it is written "I do not!"
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
Mary: Doctor, my husband believes in preventative medicine.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, he tries to prevent me from making him take it!
0 like 0 dislike
Daniel: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
Daniel: Every time we play Scrabble!
0 like 0 dislike
Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of survival for a married man!
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
Marriage is a 3-ring circus... Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
"I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me..."
0 like 0 dislike
It doesn't matter how many times a married man changes jobs... he always ends up with the same boss.
0 like 0 dislike
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
0 like 0 dislike
What do you know immediately about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
0 like 0 dislike
Married people don't live longer than single people - it just seems longer.
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
"I knew their marriage was off to a bad start when he insisted on being married by the Minister of Defense instead of a Justice of the Peace."
0 like 0 dislike
"I love being married. It's so great to find that special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life!"
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
If you didn't have any money I'd still love you... and miss you very much.
0 like 0 dislike
"After 20 years of marriage they're still in love... She loves the gardener and he loves the lady next door!"
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
"Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want but when you see what the other person's got you wish you'd ordered that..."
0 like 0 dislike
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
0 like 0 dislike
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Master's.
0 like 0 dislike
Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
My wife and I have agreed not to go to bed angry with each other. So far we've been up for a month.
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse!
0 like 0 dislike
"I've been happily married for 10 whole years. 10 out of 30 ain't bad!"
0 like 0 dislike
Walt: I had a long talk with my wife about cutting down on her extravagant shopping bills!
Dan: What did you decide?
Walt: There are going to be some big changes! I'm giving up smoking.
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job!
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
What are the 3 words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"Hold my purse!"
0 like 0 dislike
What is the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife?
A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try  reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better  web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http  I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393.  web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http
0 like 0 dislike
GET YOUR EX WIFE, EX GIRLFRIEND, EX BOYFRIEND AND SOLVE ALL TYPE OF PROBLEM THROUGH COVENANTSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM. My name is Enoch Davies
.my wife and I got married 6 years ago and we were so much in love with each other, we have 2 kids(josh and rebecca). One day my wife came back home from her friends place and she told me that she wants us to file for a divorce that she's no longer interested in our marriage, i was surprise and everything seem to me like a joke. after then i tried all my best to get her back but there was no way. but to no avail, my heart was broken, i wondered whats happening .i was on facebook when i saw a post on how  Dr Ewan helped a lady to bring back her lost husband. i was scared but because i love my wife so much and I am ready to do anything to bring her back. I decided to give it a try by contacting him via email:covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, So when i contacted him i narrated everything to him and he said my case is not a serious one that my husband will come back to me within 18 hours if i believe in his power.he told me to do some things to do which i did before 18 hours, my wife called me on phone and was crying for forgiveness. right now we are now a new branded family with more happiness, we are even going on vacation on xmas. please if any one of you out there is passing through same issue in your marriage, relationship issues contact Dr Ewan today or call or add him on whatsapp on +234905735398 or check out his webpage http://allwomenstalk.com/p/58034af4f725a97d108b4569. contact him today on covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com now.
. I will keep on sharing the good news about this. Thanks Dr.
Shared by a contributor

Your joke

Anti-spam verification:
To avoid this verification in future, please log in or register.
Jokes contributed may be rewritten, recategorized, removed, and/or reordered for any reason. Deal with it.

Related jokes

4 jokes
Requested in Childrens & Clean by a contributor
Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share...
7 jokes
Requested in Childrens & Clean by Argo
GET YOUR EX WIFE, EX GIRLFRIEND, EX BOYFRIEND AND SOLVE ALL TYPE...
18 jokes
Requested in Childrens & Clean by a contributor
GET YOUR EX WIFE, EX GIRLFRIEND, EX BOYFRIEND AND SOLVE ALL TYPE...
9 jokes
Requested in Childrens & Clean by a contributor
how i got my ex boyfriend back after a break-up. I'm Alvin Lee 21...
7 jokes
Requested in Relationships & Family by Argo
how i got my ex boyfriend back after a break-up. I'm Alvin Lee 21...