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Clean Sex jokes

  
Requested in Childrens & Clean by a contributor
edited by MC Jester

29 Jokes

8 like 0 dislike
Why don't they teach Drivers Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?
So they don't wear out the camel.
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5 like 0 dislike
What is the problem with sex in movies?
The popcorn usually spills.
4 like 0 dislike
A little boy asks to to take a shower with his dad. The dad says "yes" and tells him not to look up. The boy looks up and asks "what's that, daddy?" The father replies "a motorcycle." The next day he takes a shower with his mom and looks up and asks "what's that, mommy?" She replies "a garage." The next day the boy's grandma comes over and asks "where are your parents?" The boy says "daddy's parking his motorcycle in mommy's garage!"
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4 like 0 dislike
3 like 0 dislike
A man came home early from work and was greeted by his wife who was dressed in sexy lingerie and heels. "Tie me up and you can do anything you want!" she said. So he tied her up and went golfing.
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3 like 0 dislike
Sex. Do it for the children...
2 like 0 dislike
People who live in glass houses should have sex in their basement!
2 like 0 dislike
Why do men like having sex with the lights on?
Because it's easier to put a name with the face.
2 like 0 dislike
Woman: I don't have premarital sex.
Man: It's not premarital sex if you have no intention to get married!
2 like 0 dislike
Sex is like math... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply!
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2 like 0 dislike
A boy asked if he could shower with his mom. She said "yes, but don't look." "Why?" the boy asked. "Because then you would see my headlights and my garden."

The next day the boy asked if he could take a shower with his dad. The dad says "yes, but don't look." "Why?" the boy asked. "Because then you would see my snake."

Late at night the boy wakes up from a nightmare and goes to his parents room. When he gets there he screams "Mommy! Mommy! Turn on the headlights. There's a snake in the garden!"
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2 like 0 dislike
If sex is a pain in the ass then you're doing it wrong...
1 like 0 dislike
Man: After having sex do you ever smoke?
Woman: I've never looked.
1 like 0 dislike
Wife: Honey, I'm naked and the dog is loose in the front yard!
Husband: No problem, I'll be right up!
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1 like 0 dislike
A woman loves Santa. On Christmas when Santa comes. The woman shows herself. Santa stays and they screw.
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0 like 0 dislike
What do you call a man who's just had sex?
Whatever you want! He's asleep.
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Sex is like math... Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope to God you don't multiply!
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There is nothing wrong with sex on TV... as long as you don't fall off.
0 like 0 dislike
Everyone in the world wants to have sex... except 75% of the women.
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"My girlfriend always laughs during sex... no matter what she's reading."
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"Damn right I'm good in bed! I can sleep for hours!"
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If you are h
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i liek sexz
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A couple is makeing love the woman parts her legs and a bee flys in her Virgina. She screams "take me to the doctor!" They go to the doctor and the husband was so worried he said the doctor could use any method. The doctor said he would lure the be out by putting honey on his pinis and put his pinis in the woman's Virgina and get the bee out, but the husband had to leave. The husband left. The doc. put honey on his pinis and slipped it in the woman's Virgina. He could not reach. "I'll go deeper." Soon he was humping her hard. He clutched the woman's boobs. Soon he had felt the bee. But he did not stop. He put duct tape on the woman's mouth. He humped her for a long time. When they left, let's just say the woman was pregnant. Not with the husbands kid.
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Mary and Joseph where all alone and Mary got Joseph undressed and other way around. Mary layed on the floor and spread her legs. Joseph humped her hard. They rolled so Mary sucked Joseph's pinis. Then they get up like nothing happened.
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A sperm cell was told when the alarm goes of, go through the tube to the egg. Then say " I am sperm." . Sperm was sleeping when the alarm when of. He ran through the tube and came in a cavern. He when to a red thing and said "Hi I'm sperm." The red thing said " I'm tonsil."
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A married man was alone at home. He was lonely. He called a young woman that lived a block away. He said he would give her $50 and fuck her hard if she came over. She said yes. Later when she came, he got her undressed and got himself undressed. They screwed and ( unknown to the wife) had hard sex. Then the man asked the woman if they could do it again sometime. She said yes. This happend for a year. On the woman's birthday he screws her hard. Later the man hears from down stairs " honey, I'm home!"
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