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Cool Blonde jokes

  
Requested in Misc. Themes by Argo
edited by MC Hacker

49 Jokes

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Why did the blonde have an abortion?
She wasn't sure if it was hers or not.
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edited by MC Hacker
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Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
They take off their makeup.
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Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
She wanted to have her cock and eat it too!
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What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Hump me, Dump me
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What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
The more you bang them the looser they get.
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Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
They're for those who don't drink!
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Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.
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What is the difference between a blonde and a brick?
The brick won't follow you home after you lay it.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
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What is the difference between the Panama Canal and a blonde?
One's a busy ditch and the other's a ditsy bitch.
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Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant?
She blew them both!
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How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
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Why are blondes like Corn Flakes?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
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Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
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Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum?
She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.
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A blonde was walking the beach one day and saw a shark circling a guy in the water. He cried out "Help me! Help me!" The blonde just laughed because she knew the shark wasn't going to help the guy out.
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How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
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What did the blonde eat to increase her breast size?
Silicone chips
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Did you hear about the blonde who put "Sagittarius" at the bottom of application forms where it said "Sign here?"
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Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
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What do a moped and a blonde have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
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Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!
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Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
She's been laid all over the country.
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Did you hear about the conceited blonde?
She screams her own name when she comes!
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What is the difference between a blonde and a brick?
When you lay a brick it won't follow you around for 2 weeks whining!
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Why do blondes always drink with straws?
Practice
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What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette...?
A blonde doing cartwheels
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A blonde went to the doctor for a check up. "Are you sexually active?" he asked. "No," she replied. "I just lay there."
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A blonde's idea of lip reading is sitting on a book naked.
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What is the first thing a blonde does every morning?
Introduce herself and take the walk of shame home.
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What does a blonde use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter
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Why do blondes prefer cars with sunroofs?
More leg room
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What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out?
"If you're not in bed by midnight, come home!"
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Why do blondes have orgasms?
So they know when to stop having sex.
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Why did they invent tilt steering wheels?
To give blondes more headroom.
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How does a blonde turn the light out after sex?
She shuts the car door.
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What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
FULL!
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What do a blond and a 6-pack of beer have in common?
You can carry both with 2 fingers.
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What does a blonde say after she has sex?
"So what team do you guys play for?"
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Did you hear about the blonde with a Ph.D in Psychology?
She'll blow your mind too!
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What did the blonde's right leg say to her left leg?
Between us we could make a lot of money!
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What is the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
You don't have to talk to the washing machine after you drop you load in it!
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How is a blonde like a frying pan?
You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
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A blonde drops her little black dress off at the cleaners...

Clerk: Come again.
Blonde: No, it's toothpaste this time.
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A guy and a blonde are making out in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so he whispers in her ear "do you want to move to the back seat?" She replies "NO!" Flabbergasted, he says "why not?" She says "I want to stay up here with you. It'd be lonely back there!"
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Why did the blonde stand over the toilet?
She was trying to get high on pot!
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How do you get a blonde on a roof?
Tell her the drinks are on the house.
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How do you describe the perfect blonde?
3 feet tall and a flat head to rest your beer on!
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Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
She got an "F" in sex!
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