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Death jokes

  
Requested in Health & Beauty by Argo
edited by MC Hacker

18 Jokes

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Why do cemetaries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in!
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Man: They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good.
Woman: Stella just died.
Man: Good!
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"I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac..."
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"I don't care if I die. But don't make me be there when it happens."
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Sam: I just moved to town. What's the death rate here?
Terry: About one per person.
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"My husband has one foot in the grate... He's chosen to be cremated."
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"My father's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help wondering if he would have been better off with more oxygen instead."
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Did you hear about the man who drowned in a vat of varnish at work?
It was a terrible end but a beautiful finish!
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How can you tell if a corpse is angry?
It flips its lid!
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"I want to leave this world the way I came into it: screaming, naked and covered in someone else's blood!"
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Todd: I'm sorry to hear about your uncle.
Pete: Yeah, it seems death runs in my family.
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If you can survive death you can survive just about anything.
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"I want to die young, as late as possible."
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What did one tombstone say to the other?  
"Stop taking me for granite!"
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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
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"He who dies with the most toys is still dead."
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Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
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