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Dirty Lesbian jokes

  
Requested in Adult & Dirty by Argo
edited by MC Hacker

68 Jokes

66 like 0 dislike
A lesbian goes to a gynecologist. The gynecologist says "I must say, this is the cleanest pussy I've seen in ages."

"Thanks," the lesbian says. "I have a woman in 4 times a week."
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There is this family with three kids, two girls one boy. The oldest which is a girl tells there mother that she is gay. About 5 years down the road the other daughter also tells their mother that they are gay and the mother says does anyone in this house like dick? The little boy comes up and says i do mommy.
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30 like 0 dislike
Who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian relationship?
Neither. They both eat out.
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What is the leading cause of death in lesbians?
Hairballs
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25 like 0 dislike
You are probably familiar with the story of the Dutch boy who put his finger into a hole in the dyke. Well, the story is wrong, it was a Dutch girl!
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Why did the lesbo stick a potato up her vagina?

-So her girlfriend could enjoy some chips with her fish.

 

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25 like 1 dislike
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well hung
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23 like 0 dislike
So this little girl was asked by her teacher "Jessica why did you bring your cat to school?" Jessica was crying and panicking "Because mommy said to Laura that she was gonna eat her pussy after I left for school."
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How do you make a lesbian anorexic eat?
Put pussy hair around her dinner plate.
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What do you call two lesbians with their period?
Finger painting
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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a lot-o-puss
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What do u call a lesbian with long finger nails ?
Single
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Did you hear about the new politically-correct term for lesbians?
Vagitarians
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plz eat my pussy maybe we can share a dildo!
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What do you call an open can of tuna fish in a lesbian's apartment?
Potpourri
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What does an 80 year old lesbian taste like?

Depends
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Why was the lesbian sick?

 lack or vitamin D
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How do you drive a lesbian up the wall?? Put a Crack on the ceiling
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So the doctor came out with a new medication for lesbians...it's called trymenagain
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What  do you call a male gay dinosaur?
Homo-sore-ass
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What do parsley and pubic hair have in common???

-Nothing,you push them both to the side before you start eating!

 

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what do you call a lesbian cat?
-A pussy cat
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what do you call a lesbian who fell asleep tanning?   
  fried fish
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What do Asians and lesbians have in common?
They both eat pussy.
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Why do lesbians suck at cooking?
Cause they always eat out!
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Lesbians message me
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What do you call a man's vagina?

Mangina
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What is the worst part about raping a baby?

Wiping the blood off your clown suit
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Why are men so bad at being lesbians?

They havent got balls enough for it.
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what do you call a lesbian?
melissa
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Lesbians must hide their fingers when shooting pictures, we're tired of their private parts shuu
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Why are men closet lesbians?

They are clitoris challenged, vulva deficient and know fuck-all about the art of loving.
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Roses are red
Violets are fine
I'll be the 6
Will you be the 9?
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What does a redneck girl say after having sex. Get of me dad
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Wha do Asian lesbians eat? "Pussie"
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You know why lesbians don't diet?  Because you can't eat Jenny Craig  with Mary Kay on your face...hmmm?
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What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?                                                      See you next month babe
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What do you call a lesbian that drives a long bus with 2 balls?

Dick-Van Dyke.
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A lesbian walks  into a bar The waitress asks the lesbian what can I get you and lesbian says your fine fish hold the hair
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Hello my name is Kathy Faith from New York , My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted you and after I explained you my problem. In just 3 days, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solaed our issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster Dr OGUMEN i really appreciate the love spell you castes for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again at (ogumensolutioncenter@gmail.com). in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is (ogumensolutioncenter@gmail.com ).

DOCTOR OGUMEN CAN ALSO HELP YOU WITH ALL THIS FOLLOWING PROBLEM

1. HIV/AIDS
2. HERPES
3. CANCER ALL KINDS
4. ALS
5. Hepatitis
6. Diabetes
7. CHRONIC DISEASE
8.LOVE SPELL
9. Cerebrovascular Disease
10.Lower Respiratory Infections
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1 like 0 dislike
What do you call a virgin Popsicle?
A: a cherry pop
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The other day a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently HD was the wrong answer.
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Why did the lesbian go to rehab?

She wanted to finally get off the crack once and for all..
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What was the lesbians' favorite movie?

Lawrence of a Labia.
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What did one vampire lesbian say to the other?

Your pad or mine?
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Q: Where is a lesbians favourite place to go

A: all you can fuck
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How do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotopuss
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Q: What's a lesbians favorite type of restaurant?
A: "All you can eat muffet.
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Why do lesbians usually have short hair?

Because the use all their hair styling tools on each other.
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all of you here are fuckn insane,,, the is nothing funny,,,bipolar bitchies
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What does a lesbian bring on a 2nd date?

A U-Haul.
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Why is the lesbians apartment always a mess?

She has been trying to get the  cleaning woman to come, but it hasn't happened lately..
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What do you call a lesbian robot?

A slot-machine.
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Why do lesbians love Thanksgiving?

They like to play with turkey basters..
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Why did the lesbian keep cleaning the Liberty Bell over & over?

She couldn't stop trying to get the crack off..
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Why did the lesbian become a shoe shine girl?

She heard you could spit on it & keep rubbing it, until you can see your face in it..
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GET YOUR EX WIFE, EX GIRLFRIEND, EX BOYFRIEND AND SOLVE ALL TYPE OF PROBLEM THROUGH COVENANTSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM. My name is Enoch Davies
.my wife and I got married 6 years ago and we were so much in love with each other, we have 2 kids(josh and rebecca). One day my wife came back home from her friends place and she told me that she wants us to file for a divorce that she's no longer interested in our marriage, i was surprise and everything seem to me like a joke. after then i tried all my best to get her back but there was no way. but to no avail, my heart was broken, i wondered whats happening .i was on facebook when i saw a post on how  Dr Ewan helped a lady to bring back her lost husband. i was scared but because i love my wife so much and I am ready to do anything to bring her back. I decided to give it a try by contacting him via email:covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, So when i contacted him i narrated everything to him and he said my case is not a serious one that my husband will come back to me within 18 hours if i believe in his power.he told me to do some things to do which i did before 18 hours, my wife called me on phone and was crying for forgiveness. right now we are now a new branded family with more happiness, we are even going on vacation on xmas. please if any one of you out there is passing through same issue in your marriage, relationship issues contact Dr Ewan today or call or add him on whatsapp on +234905735398 or check out his webpage http://allwomenstalk.com/p/58034af4f725a97d108b4569. contact him today on covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com now.
. I will keep on sharing the good news about this. Thanks Dr.
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Q: What do you call an Asian Lesbian?
A: Minjeeta (minge-eater).
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My heart is full of joy and i dont really know how to start thanking Doctor Okumu for is wonderful help in my life. Before now my life was in a total mess and i was living a life of shame because my marriage with my husband was not working, he drinks,cheat and come home late at night.I contacted so many spell caster and they all ended up taking my money. i felt my world has come to an end so i told my friend my problem and she told me how doctor Okumu help her husband with a spell to win a lottery so i contacted Doctor Okumu and he assured me that he will help me get my husband back including the money other spell caster scammed me though i did not believe because i was scammed several time by other spell caster i decided to give him a try and i am so glad to tell the world that 14 hours after the spell was cast my husband came back home fell on his knees crying and begging me to forgive him and those spell caster that has scammed me return my money. Doctor Okumu is like a god on earth contact him for help via: doctorokumuspelltemple@hotmail.com or website: http://doctorazuaworldofpowerfulspell.webs.com or text and call him: +17726004686 he is specialize in the following type of spell  
1. Getting your lover or husband back
2. Spell to become rich
3. Long life spell
4. Prosperity spell
5. Protection spell
6. Job spell
7. Spell to Becoming a manager in your office
8. Spell to Get a huge loan without paying any fee
9. Spell to Get your scam money back
10. Pregnancy spell
11. Freedom spell
12. Love spell
13, Spell to be promoted in the office
14. Marriage spell
15. Avenging spell
16. Popularity spell
17. Supernatural power spell
18. Spell to cure Hiv/aids,Cancer or any kind of disease
19. Loose weight and body spell
20. Spell to win court case
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Fuck homophobic nigguhs cuz I'm young and lesbian
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I was lost with no hope for my husband was cheating and had always got away with it because i did not know how or always too scared to pin anything on him. with the help a friend who recommended me to Cyberpros who help hack his phone,all his social applications, email, chat, sms and expose him for a cheater he is. I just want to say a big thank you to Cyberhackpros@gmail.com.Incase you need help with hacking any phone or account or other jobs contact him via email/phone (CYBERHACKPROS@GMAIL.COM) or +1 916 378 4978 Tell him i reffered you.He will help you
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i couldnt really find a solution to get my cheating spouse because i needed enough evidence to find my way,i battled it for 3 years until i met a guy called hacknspy,he helped me look into text messages,online access and carry out other hacking services,he sent me a device and i used it.he is very kind and i compensated him after his services.
cyberphoneways atgmaildotcom. contact:+16066579237......you can try him out
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help me thank hackintechnology after being scammed of $1500 he helped me find my cheating husband he helped hack his whatsapp gmail and kik and i got to know that he was cheating on me , in less than 24 hours he helped me out with everything HACKINTECHNOLOGY is trust worthy and affordable contact hackintechnology@gmail.com +1305 771 2040IF U Need Any Help ? *University grades changing *Bank accounts hack *Twitters hack *email accounts hack *Grade Changes hack * load bank account any amounts *Website crashed hack *server crashed hack *Retrieval of lost file/documents *Erase criminal records hack *Databases hack *Sales of Dumps cards of all kinds *Untraceable Ip *Individual computers hack *Websites hack *Facebook hack *Control devices remotely hack *Burner Numbers hack *Verified Paypal Accounts hack *Any social media account hack *Android & iPhone Hack *Word Press Blogs hack *Text message interception hack *email interception hack - See more at hackintechnology@gmail.com +13057712040
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I have used cyberhackanswers@gmail.com quite a number of times and they have never disappointed me.They helped me monitor my Spouse phone when I was gathering evidence during the divorce. I got virtually every information my Spouse has been hiding over the months easily on my own phone: the spy app diverted all his whatsapp, facebook, text messages, sent and received through the phone: I also got his phone calls and deleted messages. she could not believe her eyes when she saw the evidence because she had no idea she was hacked. they do all types of mobile hacks and computer hacks,you get
unrestricted and unnoticeable access to your partner/spouse/anybody's social account, email,E.T.C Getting the job done is as simple as sending an email to cyberhackanswers@gmail.com stating what you want to do.
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Lesbian 1: baby I'm wet.
Lesbian 2: I will give you a towel.
1: No, I need something more than that.
2: I will give you 2 towels.
1 you wil die a virgin.
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Tell me something that makes me wet.
Go outside, its raining. Dont take an umbrella.
( gets wet)
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My name is Deckar Raines, and I base in Texas, USA‚ĶMy life is back!!! After 5 months of Broken marriage, my Husband left me when i was pregnant . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called LORD MASUKA which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Staurt ,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days,so i contacted him and in less than 48 hours my husband who i thought i can never see again come back and ask for my forgiveness, now we are happily together all thanks to LORD MASUKA he is the answer to your problem.  You can reach him on his email  lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com    or visit his website  http://lordmasukalovespelltemple.webs.com/    or add him on whatsapp +2347053105287   you can also addhim up on facebook Harry Masuka or Skype Lord Masuka
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