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Dog jokes

  
Requested in Society & Nature by MC Hacker
edited by MC Hacker

28 Jokes

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What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer?
A hot dog.
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How did the dog stop the DVD?
He pressed the paws button.
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What time is it when there are 5 dogs and 1 cat?
Five after one.
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter. It's not going to come anyway!
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A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and then announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"
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Two blondes were walking down the street. The first said "look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "why?"
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How do fleas travel?
They itch hike.
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Man: Why is everything in your house damaged?
Woman: My dog is in the middle of being housebroken.
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What dog flies on the Concorde?
A jet setter
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Sandra: Why did you choose him as your veterinarian?
Tonya: He's also a taxidermist so no matter what happens I'll always get my dog back.
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Mark: I'm so sick of my dog. He chases everyone on a bike.
Stan: What a pain. Are you going to have him put down?
Mark: No, I think I'll just take away his bike.
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What is the difference between a businessman and a warm dog?
The businessman wears a suit. The dog just pants.
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Why didn't the boy advertise in the newspaper when he lost his dog?
His dog never read the paper.
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Why should you watch when it's raining cats and dogs?
You don't want to step in a poodle!
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"Why is your dog the first one to the door every time the doorbell rings? It's never for him."
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"He's a great watchdog. The other day it watched a burglar while he broke in and stole all our TV."
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What happened to the dog that ate garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite!
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What did the man say when he caught his best friend sleeping with his wife?
"Bad dog!"
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Why is it called "getting your dog fixed" when it doesn't work after that?
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What do you get when you cross a pit bull and a collie?
A dog that runs for help after he bites your leg off
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What kind of parents does a mixed breed dog have?
A father and a mutter
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What is a dog's favorite part of a tree?
The bark
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Why did the dalmatian go to the cleaners?
His coat had spots all over it!
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Sign: Ignore the Dog. Watch Out for the Owner.
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What do you call the top of a doghouse?
The woof
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What did the dalmatian say after he ate?
That hit the spots!
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How do you make a dog drink?
Put it in a blender.
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