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Drinking jokes

  
Requested in Cooking & Food by Argo
edited by MC Hacker

28 Jokes

4 like 0 dislike
A man walks into a bar...

Man: Give me a case of beer! Any kind except Schlitz.
Bartender: What's wrong with Schlitz?
Man: I hate that shit. Last night I drank a case of Schlitz and blew chunks!
Bartender: If you drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks.
Man: You don't understand, man. Chunks is my dog's name!
3 like 0 dislike
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Hangovers are God's way of saying you kicked ass last night.
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Judge: You've been brought here for drinking.
Drunk: Great. Let's get started!
2 like 0 dislike
"I don't like to drink. It's just something to do while I'm getting drunk."
Shared by a contributor
2 like 0 dislike
"My wife hates the sight of me when I'm drunk... I hate the sight of her when I'm sober!"
1 like 0 dislike
Guy: Baby, drinking makes you look beautiful.
Gal: But I don't drink.
Guy: I do.
1 like 0 dislike
How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
By being too drunk to find your keys.
1 like 0 dislike
What do you get when you mix Holy Water with whiskey?
The Holy Spirit
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
"You look like I need another drink..."
1 like 0 dislike
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Doug: My wife drives me to drink.
Larry: You're lucky. I have to walk!
1 like 0 dislike
Brian: I gave up alcohol last year.
Nick: What was it like?
Brian: It was the longest 20 minutes of my life!
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
Alcohol is not the answer. It just makes you forget the question.
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
Of course I'm going to drive... I'm too drunk to walk!
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"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
What did one nail say to the other?
We're getting so hammered tonight!
1 like 0 dislike

Shared by K OS
edited by K OS
1 like 0 dislike
0 like 0 dislike
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough...
0 like 0 dislike
T-Shirt: Drinks well with others.
0 like 0 dislike
A wife tells her husband "you sure made a fool of yourself last night! I just hope no one realized you were sober."
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A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend.
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If you can't drink and drive why do bars have parking lots?
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"I've got a drinking problem... I've got 2 hands and only 1 mouth."
0 like 0 dislike
"I drink on two occassions... When it's my birthday and when it's not."
Shared by a contributor
0 like 0 dislike
0 like 0 dislike

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