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Holocaust jokes

  
Requested in Society & Nature by a contributor
edited by MC Hacker

242 Jokes

62 like 0 dislike
What's the difference between a Jew and Harry potter? Harry potter came out of the chamber
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Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes

What about Hitler? He made six million Jews toast

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What is the difference between a ton of coal and 1,000 Jews?
Jews burn longer!
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"I was talking to this hot holocaust survivor the other day so I asked her for her number."
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Holocaust jokes aren't funny anne frankly I'm sick of them!
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Shared by NumeroOcho
edited by MC Hacker
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What does a Jewish American Princess do during a nuclear holocaust?
Gets out her sun reflector!
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Why don't Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
They give them gas.
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why did Hitler get hit by the baseball?

He did Nazi it coming
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What band was formed by French holocaust survivors?
Jew Ran Jew Ran
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What's the difference between boy scouts and jews? Boy Scouts come home from camp.
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German officer: right guys get up today you will be playing cricket you will be playing in the ASHES
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What do hippies and jews have in common?  They both bake at 420
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Everyone needs to stop making Holocaust jokes! Can you nazi how hurtful they are?
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My son has blonde hair and blue eyes. Your kids may be cute but at least I know MINE wouldn't have died in the Holocaust!
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how do you make a jew fly? with a slight breeze.
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My mom died of skin cancer, she was a bitch anyways
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What do you call a Jewixh Pokemon trainer? Ash.
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The former Nazi concentration camp of Auschwitz has been re-opened as a tourist attraction and memorial.

I wrote to the owners to suggest they call the place 'Jewgassic Park', but they never replied.
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What's the difference between a jew and a penis?
Hitler likes one and doesn't like the other.
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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza only one comes out of the oven
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Where were black Jews first discovered? At the back of the oven
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How do you get a Jewish girls number? You roll up her sleeve
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Question: Whats the difference between a Jew and Santa Claus

Answer: Santa Claus goes down the chimney
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Laura: My mom never bought me an easy bake oven when I was a child.
Tom: That's probably a good thing since you're Jewish!
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Why will the Jews never forget the holocaust?
Because it sounds like "low cost!"
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Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating...1.1 million stars.
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What’s the worst thing about being black and Jewish? Having to sit in the back of the oven.

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What do Jews say when they are asked to go on a train. they say 'I'm not falling for that trick again!'
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What's a Jews favourite band? Nickelback
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what's the difference between a lobster and a jew?

a lobster actually tastes good after being boiled.
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Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic?

Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.
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Hitler: "This is Hitler to the Concentration camp, what does the weather look like?"
Guard: "Hail Hitler."
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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Depends on how fast they can run to it without getting shot.
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What did Hitler say when all the camps got raided? Did "jew" see that
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Hitler approaches a group of children in a concentration camp and starts talking to them. He asks the first child:"how high can u jump, kid?" and is answered:"1 meter high sir!" hitler nods and gives him 1 loaf of bread. He asks a second kid the same and is answered:"2 meters, sir!" hitler again nods and gives this kid 2 loaves of bread. He then asks the third and final kid and is answered:"4 meters, sir!" hitler draws out his gun and shoots the kid dead where he stands, saying:" dangerous, this one, could've jumped the fence!"
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What do you call a flying Jew? Smoke.
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Hans Lipschis, 93, has been arrested in Germany on suspicion of having been a guard at Auschwitz during the Holocaust.

He admits to working there, but claims he was only a cook.

I doubt that claiming to have been in charge of the ovens is going to help his defence much.
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What kind of car can fit 1000 Jews?

Any car with an ashtray.
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They are Jews so fucking bad at CoD?

They're all fucking campers
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Shared by If Then
edited by MC Hacker
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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a Jew?

At least Jews can be useful sometimes, like when you want to get warm.
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That boy in the movie "The Visit" must have been jewish, his nazi grandmother knew he belonged in the oven.
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What do you call a jew? Dead.
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Why did Hitler kill himself?

Because he saw his gas bill.
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Don't jewish your boyfriend was hot like me.
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What's grey, runs along walls and kills Jews?

Gas Pipes.
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What sound does Hitler make when he sneezes?
"A Jew"
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How do you pick up a Jewish girl? With a dust pan and brush.
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What did harry find in the chmaber of secrets

Jews
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what do you call a jewish camp? a concentration camp
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What did the Jewish pedophile say to the child?

            "You wanna buy some candy?"
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A gas planet?

We call it Jewpiter!
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You wouldn't believe what the nazis did to my grandpa!
6 years in the S.S. and he wasn't even promoted to officer rank!
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whats worst than The Holocaust?.... A Stubbed toe
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what's worse than the holocaust? six million Jews.
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whats the difference between us ? "jew" are not me!
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What's the difference between a jew and a bag of shit?
The bag
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What would you call a flying Jew?

Smoke.
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Why didn't the Jews see any German Jews? Because the German Jews went into the oven before the other Jews.
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Hey guess what jews used to take baths with. Acid
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How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb none cause they got turned to ash by hitler
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Q: Why don't you invite Hitler to a barbecue?

A: Because he burns all the Franks
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Why does a shower head have 11 holes? Because jews only have 10 fingers
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Can you "nazi" that all of these  jokes are racist anne frankly i think this is childish
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What did Hitler give his neice for Christmas?..... An easy bake oven
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I walked up to a jew and saw that he  looked  hungry... So I said hey Jew you look hungry, do you want a bagel. OK here you go. How was the bagel I said. I look at the ground. Whoops that was bleach.... Yikes
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What burns faster paper or jews?
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What's the difference between a Boy Scout, and a Jew?

One comes back from camp
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my dad died in the holocaust!
he fell off an watch tower
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What's a similarity between a black man and Hitler? Neither can finish a race!
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How do you fit 5 nazis and 2 Jews in a car. 2 nazis in the front, 3 in the back and you put the Jews in the ash tray
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¨My Love for Jew is unbearable¨
¨I can nazi us together¨
¨Äuschwitz¨
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your life
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im part of the not-see party
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so the other day i saw a hot jewish girl, and so i rolled up her sleeve for her number.
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I only moved to Germany last week and already I've been banned from the local swimming baths.

It's not my fault though.

They should put a sign up if they don't want people wearing gas masks in the communal showers.
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Why don't Jews wear Jordan's? Because they holocaust a lot of money
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How do you pick up a Jewish girl?
A broom and a dust pan
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WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A JEW AND A PIZZA?   JEW HAVE TO TURN DOWN THE OVEN FOR THE PIZZA
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How much dose the holla-cost
About 11-17 Million lives.
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I wish I was a jew during world war two in europe.. they got a free train ticket!
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What's hitter's favorite lays chip?

Oven baked
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What do you call a hot jew? ash
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Don't touch my cookies! They are freshly baked from the oven. Like the jews.
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What is the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boy Scout can come back from camp
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what do you call it when a jew throws a german in the oven?
opposite day
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What's worse than 1 beesting, 2 beestings, What's worse than 2 beestings, 3 beestings What's worse than 3 beestings, the holocaust, What's worse than the holocaust, 4 beestings
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What did the Jew dad say when his Jew boy asked him for 40 bucks?
What do you need $20 for?
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edited by MC Hacker
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What do you call a German Jew? A burned potato
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What sound does Hitlers gun make?
 "Jew Jew"
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Were does the black jew sit?


         In the back of the gas chamber.
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What did hitler say to the hot Jewish woman.

Roll up your sleave so i can get your number.
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this shit aint funny the holocaust was no laughing matter, because they didn't use laughing gas
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Why wouldn't I have sex with a Jewish woman? Because it was out of mein kampfort zone
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what did Hitler say to Anne Frank: AmsterDammmmmmmmmmmm
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STFU before I use Jew-jitsu on ur ass
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y did the fat relief teacher fall over

bc she did nazi it coming
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Q: What do you call Hitler today?

A: Donald Trump.
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When I asked for Anne Frank's number. She pulled up her sleeve.
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Prisoners, prisoners today we are having a sports day. The Americans will play football on the football field, the English will play cricket on the cricket field and the Jews will play hopscotch on the minefield.
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Whats the difference between the holocaust and the game Call of Duty
In the holocaust there was more than one in the chamber.
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What's the difference of a Jew and pizza...$5.67
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Hitler said he wanted a glass of juice not to gass the jews
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Introducing the new jewish shower! Now with chemicals!
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How many jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?
2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 40 in the ash tray.
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How was copper wire invented?  2 Jews fighting over a penny
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Why won't Jewish girls let German guys cum in their mouths?
They say it taste nazi
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They say there is strength in numbers.
Tell that to 6 million Jews
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what is the difference between a pestcontroll guy and hitler?... at least one of them gets paid to gass a pest
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My grandpa, too, died in the war!..
He fell off of a watchtower...
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How do you get a jewish girls number, you check her arm.
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What do Hitler and Jews have in common? They both died by his command.
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What did god say the first time he made a black person?

Oops. I burnt one.
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Why did the jew Fuck his own leg                            
Cause he saw arran scott
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The process of Jewish history.
Out of the frying pan and into the oven
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What's the difference between a truck full of hay and a truck full of Jews?


You need a shovel to get the Jews out
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What does nazi Santa give naughty kids for Christmas?

Jews.
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jew smell anne frankly jew should kys
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I don't know if I can trust my Jewish barber. He doesn't actually have any hair himself.
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Why are there so many black Jews  because they were at the back of the line for the gas chamber
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What is the difference between a Jew and a steak?

A steak is clean when it goes in the oven.
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Why can't you keep jews in prison?
    Because they eat all the locks.
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What's the difference between juice and Jews? One goes in and the other goes out
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What's the difference between Santa and Jews?

Santa goes down the chimney.
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A Jewish boy was cleaning an ashtray. Hitler walks by and says, "Are you looking for someone?"
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What's a Jewish child's favorite game?

Concentration
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Doctor, Doctor give me the news I've got a bad case of killing Jews
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Holocaust was not funny!
My grandfather died in Auschwitz.
He fell from a guard tower while drunk.
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Where do Jews go to think?
Concentration camp!
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Why was the Jew all out of breath?

Because He was gassed
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Where does a Jewish boy with AD-HD go?
-Concentration camp
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U are idiots u guys are gonna get in trouble and nazi it coming
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how do you pick up a nice jewish girl?
read the number on her arm and grab a broom and dustpan for later.
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How does one pick up a Muslim? You cant they already blew up their school
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Why do Jews always smell so bad?
They have had bad experiences with showers.
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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The jew screams when it is in the oven
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What's a Jews worst nightmare?  Being creamated.
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Q: Whats the worst thing about being a black Jew?

A: They make you sit in the back of the oven.
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Why did the man give the Jewish woman lotion
Because her skin was ashy
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why couldnt anne frank finish her diary?
she didnt have enough concentration.
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One night, a Nazi officer went to visit a Jew's home in the ghetto.

Nazi: Knock knock!

Jew: Who's there?

Nazi: Jew.

Jew: Jew who?

Nazi: Found JEW!
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*to a jew*excuse me sir you are a bit smelly can you please have a shower
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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I didn't make love to a pizza when it came out of the oven
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What's a Jew's favorite Call of Duty game mode? One in the Chamber.
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Auschwitz is a great hotel, people never want to leave.
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What did Hitler say to the band "Sum41"?

"Oh it was waayyy more then that!"
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guy: you smell something? jew: oh ya its my family.
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What's difference between Christianity and Nazi Idealism?



In Christianity, one man died for all the others
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Who is the most well known Jewish cook?


Hitler
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Roses are red, violets r blue, Simpsons r yellow and asians r too
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Why don't Jewish Women cook?
A. They can't stand the smell of gas, Or,
B. They won't go near an oven.
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What is the difference between a bullet in a gun and a Jew? The bullet  escapes the chamber.
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Theres 1000 jews and 1 german in a taxi, wheres all the jews? In the ashtray
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Jews.
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Hitler and 2 Jews were taking a test. The first Jew couldn't concentrate, so he was sent to a concentration camp. The other Jew couldn't concentrate because he had Auschwitz, and Hitler couldn't concentrate because there was a burning smell in the room.
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how many Jews does it take to fix a shower?

all of them.
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6 million Jews had a trip, they never came out of the chamber!
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how do jew get a jewish jew to help jew kill the jews?

jew pick them up with the dustpan that jew have
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wHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A JEW AND A PIZZA?
YOU CARE IF THE PIZZA GETS BURNT!
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What do you never ask a Jewish baker?

"What's the Challah cost?"
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Have you heard about the new German microwave?
It's got 10 seats inside!
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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream when you throw it in the oven!
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how do German tie their shoes

in little NAZI'S
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what did the german say to the jew?
smoke a biff so i can blaze your ashes
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When was the last time the jewish boy saw his father?
At the top of the chimney.
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How do you see how many Jews live in your neighborhood?   Roll a quarter down the street
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How did the tree burn down? A burning Jewish boy was trying to get in his tree house
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Hitler was so good at roasting he burned 6 million jews
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have jew heard what the isreali defense force is training there army in martail arts? jew jitsu and jewdo
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What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?

A bakery.
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Hey, wanna hear a holocaust joke??

In the six millionth time, its not funny!!!
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Two guards meet during camp patrol. One asks the other:"hey, do u smell that sweet, caramel-like smell? Do u know what is it?"
The second replies:"yeah, they're burning the diabetics today...:)"
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Two jews are having a fight while washing, and one of them grabs a block of soap, as if to throw. The other cries:"hey! Don't involve parents!"
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what did Hitler get for his birthday
 a easy bake oven and a gi jew
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Why wasn't Hitler invited to the barbeque? He always burns the Franks.
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How do you cook a Jewish person? All jew have to do is call up hitler
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What do you call a flying Jew?
A kike.
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how do you pick up jewish girls? With a dustpan
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what was the only downside to the holocaust?
the banks in Germany dropped by 20 percent!
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What did Hitler say when he was accused of the Holocaust. "Its just a prank bro".
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Why was Hitler so mad at breakfast?


Because they served him orange jews.
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Your holocaust jokes aren't funny and they're making me fuhorous.
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They should call Jupiter JEWPITER because its a gas planet
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Wanna some of the most lit holocaust jokes of all time
*the jews*
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why don't jews like modern cookware? they are afraid of the oven
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What's the difference between a camper and a Jew?
One comes back from camp
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What happens when a Jew with an erection runs into a wall?

He breaks his nose
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Jew stink. Anne Frank-ly, I think jew should take a shower
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"That's very offensive", said the child. "my grandad died at Auschwitz, he fell off the guard tower!"
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"That one time at camp I got so baked"
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Why didn't AUSCHWITZ have fire alarms?

Because they would go off all the time.
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Whats Funnier than a truck of Jews.
Nothing
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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew, you care if the pizza gets burnt!
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What's the best thing that came out of Auschwitz?
An empty train.
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Why did the Doctor never have any Jewish companions?
Because when they saw the T.A.R.D.I.S. they got scared, and ran away screaming: NOPE!!! YOUR NOT FOOLING ME!!!
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What the difference between Hitler and the deleks? (from doctor who)

• The Deleks actually wiped out entire races before.

What do they have in common?

• they both lost the war.

• they both came close to wiping out a race.
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What dose a person with cancer and a Jew have in common?

They're both bald.
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What's the difference between a cop and a Nazi guard?
Not much.
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What's Hitlers favorite type of dog?

A golden retriever.
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What's the difference between Hitler and the meteor that killed the dinosaurs?

One finished the job.
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So I found Hitler's playlist...

1. Another one bites the dust.

2. This girl is on fire.

3. Burn baby burn.

4. 21 guns.

5. Highway too hell.

6. Burn it down. (Lincoln park)

7. Crazy train.

8. That one Gorillaz song with sunshine in a bag...

9. Attack on titan theme song.

And 10. In the end by Lincoln park

Fun fact his favorite movies are the hunger games trilogy. His comment on it was "Why didn't I think of that!?!"
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What do you call a train full of jews?

Whatever the fuck you want, they're not coming back.
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just made this one up

I've got a lot of comedy books in my collection and my favourite to read is the diary of Anne Frank
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so i was walking down the street and i saw a guy that looked like hitler, i did nazi that coming.
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what do you call a jew

a disgrace
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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?
The Holocaust
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What do you call a joo
adventure Time
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What do you call a Jew by its number
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Why dont jews like eating pussy?

Because its right by the gas chamber!
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I SAID PASS THE JUICE! NOT GAS THE JEWS!
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Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
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What is the difference between a jew and bacon?
 One tasted good after being smoked
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these jokes are not funny
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what was hitlers favourite drink?

Jewce
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What do you do when you see a Jew in your washing machine hiding from the SS?

You throw in some baking powder.
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HITLER made glass tower and put jews and said them if i see you on window i will kill you
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what do you call a jew in Holland
Dead
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What did Hitler say when he walked into a concentration camp? I think I left my juice(jews) in here.
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What planet is best for Jews? Jupiter because it is a gas planet.
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Useless Christmas present... Anne Franks drum kit.
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These jokes are not funny. Anne frankly I love em
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"Ow my ass!" said the Jews as they were kicked in the Oven
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What's the difference between a jew and a boyscout.
One comes home from camp.
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What was Hitler's favorite (or least favorite) drug?

Mari-JEW-ana
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Hey Hitler wanna know whats bigger then 24.......6 million
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Why was Albert Einstein a genius?
He was stuck in concentration.
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how many jews did it take to screw a lightbulb, none theyre dead
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how many jews are in the ashtray,


none theyre in aushwitz
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what do you do to an autistic jew

take it to a concentration camp
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how many jews are in aushwitz

none theyre in the ashtray
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how does a jew hide from hitler

he doesnt hes already dead
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knock knock
whos there
hitler
hitler who
hail hitler jewish scum
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jews are dead lol
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how do you get a jew off your property

with a dustpan
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how do u pick up a jewish girl

witha dustpan
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Did you know that 30,000 Jews took part in the 1936 Berlin Olympics?
As the cinder track.
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What was written above Hitlers oven?
Over this fat jew I´ll cook my stew.
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What is the difference between a jew and a canoe?the canoe is a better tipper.
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What does a jewish woman make for dinner?
Reservations
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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

You take the pizza out in one piece.
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What do you call 1000 Jews on a train, anything because there don't coming back
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