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Holocaust jokes

  
Requested in Society & Nature by a contributor
edited by MC Hacker

294 Jokes

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What's the difference between a Jew and Harry potter? Harry potter came out of the chamber
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Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes

What about Hitler? He made six million Jews toast

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Holocaust jokes aren't funny anne frankly I'm sick of them!
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"I was talking to this hot holocaust survivor the other day so I asked her for her number."
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What is the difference between a ton of coal and 1,000 Jews?
Jews burn longer!
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What does a Jewish American Princess do during a nuclear holocaust?
Gets out her sun reflector!
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Why don't Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
They give them gas.
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Shared by NumeroOcho
edited by MC Hacker
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What do hippies and jews have in common?  They both bake at 420
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why did Hitler get hit by the baseball?

He did Nazi it coming
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how do you make a jew fly? with a slight breeze.
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What's the difference between boy scouts and jews? Boy Scouts come home from camp.
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Everyone needs to stop making Holocaust jokes! Can you nazi how hurtful they are?
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German officer: right guys get up today you will be playing cricket you will be playing in the ASHES
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The former Nazi concentration camp of Auschwitz has been re-opened as a tourist attraction and memorial.

I wrote to the owners to suggest they call the place 'Jewgassic Park', but they never replied.
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What band was formed by French holocaust survivors?
Jew Ran Jew Ran
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My son has blonde hair and blue eyes. Your kids may be cute but at least I know MINE wouldn't have died in the Holocaust!
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What do you call a Jewixh Pokemon trainer? Ash.
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My mom died of skin cancer, she was a bitch anyways
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Hitler approaches a group of children in a concentration camp and starts talking to them. He asks the first child:"how high can u jump, kid?" and is answered:"1 meter high sir!" hitler nods and gives him 1 loaf of bread. He asks a second kid the same and is answered:"2 meters, sir!" hitler again nods and gives this kid 2 loaves of bread. He then asks the third and final kid and is answered:"4 meters, sir!" hitler draws out his gun and shoots the kid dead where he stands, saying:" dangerous, this one, could've jumped the fence!"
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What's the difference between a jew and a penis?
Hitler likes one and doesn't like the other.
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Where were black Jews first discovered? At the back of the oven
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Question: Whats the difference between a Jew and Santa Claus

Answer: Santa Claus goes down the chimney
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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza only one comes out of the oven
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Laura: My mom never bought me an easy bake oven when I was a child.
Tom: That's probably a good thing since you're Jewish!
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How do you get a Jewish girls number? You roll up her sleeve
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What do Jews say when they are asked to go on a train. they say 'I'm not falling for that trick again!'
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Why will the Jews never forget the holocaust?
Because it sounds like "low cost!"
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Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating...1.1 million stars.
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what's the difference between a lobster and a jew?

a lobster actually tastes good after being boiled.
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Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic?

Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.
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Hans Lipschis, 93, has been arrested in Germany on suspicion of having been a guard at Auschwitz during the Holocaust.

He admits to working there, but claims he was only a cook.

I doubt that claiming to have been in charge of the ovens is going to help his defence much.
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They are Jews so fucking bad at CoD?

They're all fucking campers
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What do you call a flying Jew? Smoke.
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What's a Jews favourite band? Nickelback
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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Depends on how fast they can run to it without getting shot.
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What did Hitler say when all the camps got raided? Did "jew" see that
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What’s the worst thing about being black and Jewish? Having to sit in the back of the oven.

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That boy in the movie "The Visit" must have been jewish, his nazi grandmother knew he belonged in the oven.
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What's grey, runs along walls and kills Jews?

Gas Pipes.
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How do you pick up a Jewish girl? With a dust pan and brush.
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Why did Hitler kill himself?

Because he saw his gas bill.
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What kind of car can fit 1000 Jews?

Any car with an ashtray.
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Hitler: "This is Hitler to the Concentration camp, what does the weather look like?"
Guard: "Hail Hitler."
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Shared by If Then
edited by MC Hacker
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What do you call a jew? Dead.
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What's the difference between a jew and a bag of shit?
The bag
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A gas planet?

We call it Jewpiter!
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What sound does Hitler make when he sneezes?
"A Jew"
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You wouldn't believe what the nazis did to my grandpa!
6 years in the S.S. and he wasn't even promoted to officer rank!
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What did harry find in the chmaber of secrets

Jews
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What did the Jewish pedophile say to the child?

            "You wanna buy some candy?"
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Don't jewish your boyfriend was hot like me.
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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a Jew?

At least Jews can be useful sometimes, like when you want to get warm.
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what do you call a jewish camp? a concentration camp
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I walked up to a jew and saw that he  looked  hungry... So I said hey Jew you look hungry, do you want a bagel. OK here you go. How was the bagel I said. I look at the ground. Whoops that was bleach.... Yikes
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your life
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whats worst than The Holocaust?.... A Stubbed toe
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Why does a shower head have 11 holes? Because jews only have 10 fingers
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whats the difference between us ? "jew" are not me!
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what's worse than the holocaust? six million Jews.
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What would you call a flying Jew?

Smoke.
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Why don't Jews wear Jordan's? Because they holocaust a lot of money
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How do you fit 5 nazis and 2 Jews in a car. 2 nazis in the front, 3 in the back and you put the Jews in the ash tray
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Jews.
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What's the difference between a Boy Scout, and a Jew?

One comes back from camp
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Hey guess what jews used to take baths with. Acid
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my dad died in the holocaust!
he fell off an watch tower
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How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb none cause they got turned to ash by hitler
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I wish I was a jew during world war two in europe.. they got a free train ticket!
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Q: Why don't you invite Hitler to a barbecue?

A: Because he burns all the Franks
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What do you call a hot jew? ash
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im part of the not-see party
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Why didn't the Jews see any German Jews? Because the German Jews went into the oven before the other Jews.
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Why won't Jewish girls let German guys cum in their mouths?
They say it taste nazi
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How do you pick up a Jewish girl?
A broom and a dust pan
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¨My Love for Jew is unbearable¨
¨I can nazi us together¨
¨Äuschwitz¨
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What's hitter's favorite lays chip?

Oven baked
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Don't touch my cookies! They are freshly baked from the oven. Like the jews.
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Can you "nazi" that all of these  jokes are racist anne frankly i think this is childish
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so the other day i saw a hot jewish girl, and so i rolled up her sleeve for her number.
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STFU before I use Jew-jitsu on ur ass
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U are idiots u guys are gonna get in trouble and nazi it coming
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What did Hitler give his neice for Christmas?..... An easy bake oven
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What's worse than 1 beesting, 2 beestings, What's worse than 2 beestings, 3 beestings What's worse than 3 beestings, the holocaust, What's worse than the holocaust, 4 beestings
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What burns faster paper or jews?
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What sound does Hitlers gun make?
 "Jew Jew"
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They say there is strength in numbers.
Tell that to 6 million Jews
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What's a similarity between a black man and Hitler? Neither can finish a race!
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Q: What do you call Hitler today?

A: Donald Trump.
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A Jewish boy was cleaning an ashtray. Hitler walks by and says, "Are you looking for someone?"
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Prisoners, prisoners today we are having a sports day. The Americans will play football on the football field, the English will play cricket on the cricket field and the Jews will play hopscotch on the minefield.
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Whats the difference between the holocaust and the game Call of Duty
In the holocaust there was more than one in the chamber.
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What do you call a train full of jews?

Whatever the fuck you want, they're not coming back.
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What is the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boy Scout can come back from camp
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what do you call it when a jew throws a german in the oven?
opposite day
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What did the Jew dad say when his Jew boy asked him for 40 bucks?
What do you need $20 for?
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edited by MC Hacker
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How many jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?
2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 40 in the ash tray.
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What do you call a German Jew? A burned potato
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I only moved to Germany last week and already I've been banned from the local swimming baths.

It's not my fault though.

They should put a sign up if they don't want people wearing gas masks in the communal showers.
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How do you see how many Jews live in your neighborhood?   Roll a quarter down the street
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Why wouldn't I have sex with a Jewish woman? Because it was out of mein kampfort zone
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WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A JEW AND A PIZZA?   JEW HAVE TO TURN DOWN THE OVEN FOR THE PIZZA
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How much dose the holla-cost
About 11-17 Million lives.
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What's the difference between Santa and Jews?

Santa goes down the chimney.
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Doctor, Doctor give me the news I've got a bad case of killing Jews
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how do you pick up a nice jewish girl?
read the number on her arm and grab a broom and dustpan for later.
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What did god say the first time he made a black person?

Oops. I burnt one.
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Why did the jew Fuck his own leg                            
Cause he saw arran scott
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these jokes are not funny
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What is the difference between a jew and a canoe?the canoe is a better tipper.
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I don't know if I can trust my Jewish barber. He doesn't actually have any hair himself.
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Hitler said he wanted a glass of juice not to gass the jews
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Introducing the new jewish shower! Now with chemicals!
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How was copper wire invented?  2 Jews fighting over a penny
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Were does the black jew sit?


         In the back of the gas chamber.
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What did hitler say to the hot Jewish woman.

Roll up your sleave so i can get your number.
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this shit aint funny the holocaust was no laughing matter, because they didn't use laughing gas
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what did Hitler say to Anne Frank: AmsterDammmmmmmmmmmm
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y did the fat relief teacher fall over

bc she did nazi it coming
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Why was the Jew all out of breath?

Because He was gassed
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How does one pick up a Muslim? You cant they already blew up their school
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Why do Jews always smell so bad?
They have had bad experiences with showers.
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When I asked for Anne Frank's number. She pulled up her sleeve.
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What's the difference of a Jew and pizza...$5.67
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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I didn't make love to a pizza when it came out of the oven
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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew, you care if the pizza gets burnt!
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I SAID PASS THE JUICE! NOT GAS THE JEWS!
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What's difference between Christianity and Nazi Idealism?



In Christianity, one man died for all the others
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Theres 1000 jews and 1 german in a taxi, wheres all the jews? In the ashtray
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how many Jews does it take to fix a shower?

all of them.
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Why are there so many black Jews  because they were at the back of the line for the gas chamber
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What is the difference between a Jew and a steak?

A steak is clean when it goes in the oven.
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what did the german say to the jew?
smoke a biff so i can blaze your ashes
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what is the difference between a pestcontroll guy and hitler?... at least one of them gets paid to gass a pest
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Hitler was so good at roasting he burned 6 million jews
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My grandpa, too, died in the war!..
He fell off of a watchtower...
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Where do Jews go to think?
Concentration camp!
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How do you get a jewish girls number, you check her arm.
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What do Hitler and Jews have in common? They both died by his command.
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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The jew screams when it is in the oven
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Why did the man give the Jewish woman lotion
Because her skin was ashy
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why couldnt anne frank finish her diary?
she didnt have enough concentration.
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One night, a Nazi officer went to visit a Jew's home in the ghetto.

Nazi: Knock knock!

Jew: Who's there?

Nazi: Jew.

Jew: Jew who?

Nazi: Found JEW!
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The process of Jewish history.
Out of the frying pan and into the oven
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What's the difference between a truck full of hay and a truck full of Jews?


You need a shovel to get the Jews out
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What does nazi Santa give naughty kids for Christmas?

Jews.
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guy: you smell something? jew: oh ya its my family.
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Who is the most well known Jewish cook?


Hitler
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jew smell anne frankly jew should kys
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how do jew get a jewish jew to help jew kill the jews?

jew pick them up with the dustpan that jew have
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when did they discover black jews? at the back of the oven
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fuck
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What do you call a Holocaust survivor?

24875
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Kerin ur fat
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aiden ur fat
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Stuart is a Jew
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Where going on a trip to a place called aushwitz soaring through the oven little ashstein
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When was the last time the jewish boy saw his father?
At the top of the chimney.
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Why can't you keep jews in prison?
    Because they eat all the locks.
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What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?

A bakery.
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Two guards meet during camp patrol. One asks the other:"hey, do u smell that sweet, caramel-like smell? Do u know what is it?"
The second replies:"yeah, they're burning the diabetics today...:)"
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what did Hitler get for his birthday
 a easy bake oven and a gi jew
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How do you cook a Jewish person? All jew have to do is call up hitler
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What's the difference between juice and Jews? One goes in and the other goes out
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What do you call a flying Jew?
A kike.
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What's a Jewish child's favorite game?

Concentration
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Holocaust was not funny!
My grandfather died in Auschwitz.
He fell from a guard tower while drunk.
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Where does a Jewish boy with AD-HD go?
-Concentration camp
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Why was Hitler so mad at breakfast?


Because they served him orange jews.
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What's a Jews worst nightmare?  Being creamated.
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Q: Whats the worst thing about being a black Jew?

A: They make you sit in the back of the oven.
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Your holocaust jokes aren't funny and they're making me fuhorous.
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They should call Jupiter JEWPITER because its a gas planet
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Wanna some of the most lit holocaust jokes of all time
*the jews*
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*to a jew*excuse me sir you are a bit smelly can you please have a shower
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What's a Jew's favorite Call of Duty game mode? One in the Chamber.
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What happens when a Jew with an erection runs into a wall?

He breaks his nose
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Jew stink. Anne Frank-ly, I think jew should take a shower
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Auschwitz is a great hotel, people never want to leave.
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Why didn't AUSCHWITZ have fire alarms?

Because they would go off all the time.
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What did Hitler say to the band "Sum41"?

"Oh it was waayyy more then that!"
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What do you call a joo
adventure Time
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Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
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what was hitlers favourite drink?

Jewce
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what do you call a jew in Holland
Dead
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Roses are red, violets r blue, Simpsons r yellow and asians r too
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Why don't Jewish Women cook?
A. They can't stand the smell of gas, Or,
B. They won't go near an oven.
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What planet is best for Jews? Jupiter because it is a gas planet.
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What is the difference between a bullet in a gun and a Jew? The bullet  escapes the chamber.
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Hitler and 2 Jews were taking a test. The first Jew couldn't concentrate, so he was sent to a concentration camp. The other Jew couldn't concentrate because he had Auschwitz, and Hitler couldn't concentrate because there was a burning smell in the room.
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Why was Albert Einstein a genius?
He was stuck in concentration.
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6 million Jews had a trip, they never came out of the chamber!
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what do you do to an autistic jew

take it to a concentration camp
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how does a jew hide from hitler

he doesnt hes already dead
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how do u pick up a jewish girl

witha dustpan
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wHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A JEW AND A PIZZA?
YOU CARE IF THE PIZZA GETS BURNT!
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What does a jewish woman make for dinner?
Reservations
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What do you never ask a Jewish baker?

"What's the Challah cost?"
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Knock Knock
Who's there
(Slap them) VE VILL ASK ZE QVESTIONS
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holocaust jokes aren´t  funny do you nazi how rude they are
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why did the jews die? they did nazi it coming
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Why did hitler commit suicide?
because he saw his gas bill
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A jewish guy and a black guy jump off a bridge
Who hits the ground first?
The black guy because poop falls faster than ash.
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Why did the jews hate the holocaust? Answer: It cost them way too much?
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What is Hitler's favorite song? Another One Bites the Dust.
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soup caused the holo cuast
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What's the difference between 6 million dollars and 6 million Jews?

I would actually care if I lost 6 million dollars!!!
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BR here cunts i am da bomy cunt fuckers
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How did the waiter displease Hitler? Hitler: I said gas the jews not a glass of juice.
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Have you heard about the new German microwave?
It's got 10 seats inside!
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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream when you throw it in the oven!
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how do German tie their shoes

in little NAZI'S
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How did the tree burn down? A burning Jewish boy was trying to get in his tree house
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have jew heard what the isreali defense force is training there army in martail arts? jew jitsu and jewdo
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Hey, wanna hear a holocaust joke??

In the six millionth time, its not funny!!!
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Two jews are having a fight while washing, and one of them grabs a block of soap, as if to throw. The other cries:"hey! Don't involve parents!"
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Why wasn't Hitler invited to the barbeque? He always burns the Franks.
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how do you pick up jewish girls? With a dustpan
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what was the only downside to the holocaust?
the banks in Germany dropped by 20 percent!
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What did Hitler say when he was accused of the Holocaust. "Its just a prank bro".
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why don't jews like modern cookware? they are afraid of the oven
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What's the difference between a camper and a Jew?
One comes back from camp
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"That's very offensive", said the child. "my grandad died at Auschwitz, he fell off the guard tower!"
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"That one time at camp I got so baked"
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Whats Funnier than a truck of Jews.
Nothing
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What's the best thing that came out of Auschwitz?
An empty train.
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Why did the Doctor never have any Jewish companions?
Because when they saw the T.A.R.D.I.S. they got scared, and ran away screaming: NOPE!!! YOUR NOT FOOLING ME!!!
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What the difference between Hitler and the deleks? (from doctor who)

• The Deleks actually wiped out entire races before.

What do they have in common?

• they both lost the war.

• they both came close to wiping out a race.
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What dose a person with cancer and a Jew have in common?

They're both bald.
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What's the difference between a cop and a Nazi guard?
Not much.
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What's Hitlers favorite type of dog?

A golden retriever.
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What's the difference between Hitler and the meteor that killed the dinosaurs?

One finished the job.
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So I found Hitler's playlist...

1. Another one bites the dust.

2. This girl is on fire.

3. Burn baby burn.

4. 21 guns.

5. Highway too hell.

6. Burn it down. (Lincoln park)

7. Crazy train.

8. That one Gorillaz song with sunshine in a bag...

9. Attack on titan theme song.

And 10. In the end by Lincoln park

Fun fact his favorite movies are the hunger games trilogy. His comment on it was "Why didn't I think of that!?!"
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just made this one up

I've got a lot of comedy books in my collection and my favourite to read is the diary of Anne Frank
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so i was walking down the street and i saw a guy that looked like hitler, i did nazi that coming.
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what do you call a jew

a disgrace
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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?
The Holocaust
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What do you call a Jew by its number
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Why dont jews like eating pussy?

Because its right by the gas chamber!
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What is the difference between a jew and bacon?
 One tasted good after being smoked
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What do you do when you see a Jew in your washing machine hiding from the SS?

You throw in some baking powder.
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HITLER made glass tower and put jews and said them if i see you on window i will kill you
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What did Hitler say when he walked into a concentration camp? I think I left my juice(jews) in here.
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Useless Christmas present... Anne Franks drum kit.
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These jokes are not funny. Anne frankly I love em
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"Ow my ass!" said the Jews as they were kicked in the Oven
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What's the difference between a jew and a boyscout.
One comes home from camp.
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What was Hitler's favorite (or least favorite) drug?

Mari-JEW-ana
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Hey Hitler wanna know whats bigger then 24.......6 million
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how many jews did it take to screw a lightbulb, none theyre dead
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how many jews are in the ashtray,


none theyre in aushwitz
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how many jews are in aushwitz

none theyre in the ashtray
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knock knock
whos there
hitler
hitler who
hail hitler jewish scum
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jews are dead lol
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how do you get a jew off your property

with a dustpan
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Did you know that 30,000 Jews took part in the 1936 Berlin Olympics?
As the cinder track.
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What was written above Hitlers oven?
Over this fat jew I´ll cook my stew.
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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

You take the pizza out in one piece.
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What do you call 1000 Jews on a train, anything because there don't coming back
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how do you make jewce? take some uce and add a jew
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what is your culture hopfully not jewishy or vou must die
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What is the difference between a Jew and a dog?

The dog comes back
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What did Hitler give his daughter for her birthday?

A chamber full of Jews
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zey did no comply so i killed zem
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Y do Jews have no dick beacuse there dead
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Where do the black Jews sit?        At the back of the oven
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Q. Why do Jews have big noses???
A. Because oxygen is free
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Hitler is my dad.
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Orange Jews! Get your 100% concentrated orange jews!
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Yo mamma
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Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
Pizza's dont scream when there in the oven.
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Where did we find the first black jew? In the back of the oven
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What's the worst part about the holocaust?

The fact that it ended.
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What's the similarity between a Jew and a Italian...

They both smell good.
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FUCK YALLL BITCHES JEWS ARE THE REAL MASTER RACE!!11!
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whats the difference between santa and a jew? santa goes down jews come up
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cunt
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What did the Nazis buy that cost millions? The Holocaust
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I can Nazi the problem, what's the matter with jew
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Teacher:How much did the Holo-cost?

Students: 6 Million!
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youre mum gay and i have her on a thursday at 5:15 with southern comforts jews are dead lol
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anne frank was piffting i would
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Dildo
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In my ass
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Hitler asked one day: We will make you a dinner! There will be food, drinks and even music
Jews: Really?? Who will play?
Hitler: HEINZ ON THE MACHINE GUN!
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What's hitler favorite drink? Mountain jew
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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?  
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven...

What do you call 1000 Jews on a train?
Anything...they're not coming back.
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NOT GAS ALL THE JEWS! GLASS ALL THE JUICE! YOU RUINED MY REPUTATION. ~Hitler
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Hitler walked up to a group of 3 Jewish boys with bread. He asked the first boy.
"How high can you jump?"
"One foot sir." Hitler gave him one loaf of bread.
He then asked the second boy.
"How high can you jump?"
"Two feet sir." Hitler gave him two loaves of bread.
He then asked the third boy.
"How high can you jump?"
"4 feet sir." Hitler shot him 4 times.
He then turned to a guard and said.
"This one could of jumped the fence."
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why didn't hitler drink whiskey ?
Cause it made him mean !!!!
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What is hitler favourite dance?  Jew Jew on that beat
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A European man fell in love with a Jewish woman. the Man said, "we should keep this relationship a secret, everyone hates us being together." The woman replied, "Well, last time a man kept a secret about their Jewish girlfriend/wife, they both got sent to concentration camp.'
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orange jews 100% concentrated