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Insult jokes

  
Requested in Misc. Themes by MC Hacker
edited by MC Hacker

46 Jokes

1 like 0 dislike
What's the difference between you and eggs?
Eggs get laid and you don't.
Shared by The Joker
edited by The Joker
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As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Shared by The Joker
edited by The Joker
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I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
Shared by a contributor
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When people first meet you they don't like you. But once they get to know you better they really hate you!
Shared by Argo
edited by Argo
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Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Shared by The Joker
edited by The Joker
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Did your shrink tell you to just be yourself? Well, he couldn't have given you worse advice!?
Shared by a contributor
edited by The Joker
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Stick your tongue out. Move it up and down. Then relax and move it left and right. Well done! You've now completed the Christopher Reeves workout video!
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You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!
Shared by JustMe
edited by JustMe
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Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you got enough oxygen at birth?
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Are your parents siblings?
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Any similarity between you and and an actual human is purely coincidental!
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Do you want people to accept you for who you are? Or do you want them to actually like you?
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He's so great at sex! If only he had a partner.
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Did you know you're a regular Don Juan? That's because all women 'Don Juan' to have anything to do with you!
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I never forget a face but, in your case, I'll make an exception!
Shared by a contributor
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A woman went to a sweet store to get some sweets. The boy behind the counter said "Boy, you sure are ugly, aren't you? I've never seen anyone as hideous as you before."

"Young man," she replied, "I didn't come here to be insulted!"

"Really?" he said, "where do you usually go?"
Shared by a contributor
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You don't believe in being artificial. So you want people to hate you for yourself?
Shared by a contributor
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I feel sorry for you because you're so ugly but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you!
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I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high!
Shared by a contributor
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Some people are has-been's. You are a never-was!
Shared by a contributor
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Did you hear someone has invented a coffin that just covers the head?
It's for people like you who are dead from the neck up!
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What's the latest dope - besides you?
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I've seen people like you before but I had to pay admission.
Shared by a contributor
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Your gene pool could use some chlorine!
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I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
Shared by a contributor
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Your proctologist called... They just found your head!
Shared by a contributor
edited by MC Hacker
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Don't you love nature... despite what it did to you?
Shared by a contributor
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Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up!
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He's hard to forget... but well worth the effort.
Shared by a contributor
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I believe in respect for the dead... in fact I could only respect you if you were dead!
Shared by a contributor
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Let me guess what you use for contraception... Your personality!
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I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit. Get lost!
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What you lack in intelligence you more than make up for in stupidity!
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Mirrors don't lie and lucky for you they can't laugh either!
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You're not as bad as people say... you're worse!
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You have a lot of well-wishers here... they'd all like to throw you down one!
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The more I think of you the less I think of you.
Shared by a contributor
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It's mind over matter. I don't mind because you don't matter!
Shared by a contributor
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If you ever have a bright idea it will be beginner's luck!
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I'll never forget the first time we met although I keep trying.
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I must admit you brought religion into my life. I never believed in hell until I met you!
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Do you know what really amazes me about you? Oops. I thought you were someone else!
Shared by a contributor
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Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
Shared by a contributor
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A man was walking on a beach and saw a girl with no arms or legs crying. The man walked up to her and said 'why are you crying?' The girl replied 'I've never been hugged in my life'. So the man picked her up, hugged her and went home. The next day, he was walking on the same beach and saw the girl crying again. He approached her and said 'why are you crying?' The girl replied 'I've never been kissed in my life'. So the man picked her up, kissed her on the cheek and went home. The next day, the man was walking on the beach and saw the same girl crying. He came to her and said 'why are you crying?' She replied 'I've never been screwed in my life'. So the man picked her up, threw her in the ocean and said 'you're screwed now' and went home.
Shared by a contributor

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