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Jewish American Princess jokes

  

38 Jokes

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How many Jewish-American princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What? And wreck my nails?
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What is the only thing a JAP will go down on?
The escalator at Neiman Marcus
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What are 3 words a JAP will never hear?
Attention K-Mart Shoppers
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What is a JAP's favorite w(h)ine?
When are you going to take me to Miami?
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What does a JAP make for dinner?
Reservations.
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What's the difference between a JAP and a barracuda?
The barracuda doesn't wear lipstick.
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Why does a Jewish American Princess wear a gold diaphragm?
So her boyfriend will think he's coming into money.
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What does a JAP do to her asshole every morning?
Kisses him and sends him off to work.
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What is a JAP's idea of natural childbirth?
Absolutely no makeup
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How do you know if a JAP has an orgasm?
She drops her nail file.
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How do you stop a JAP from screwing?
Marry her.
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What's the difference between a JAP and the Bermuda triangle?
The Bermuda triangle swallows seamen.
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What is the difference between a Vulture and a Jewish Princess? Nail Polish!
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What is a JAP's favorite position when making love?

facing Bloomingdale's
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What is the JAP method of childbirth?

Knock her out at the first sign of pain and wake her up at the hairdresser.
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What do you say to a baby Jewish American princess?
"Gucci Gucci Goo"
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What do you call a JAP on a water?
1. Lake Placid
2. The Dead Sea
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Why do JAP's close their eyes while screwing?
So they can pretend they're shopping!
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What do you call a Jewish American Princess' waterbed?
The Dead Sea
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What is a JAP's favorite sexual position?
Facing Bloomingdale's.
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Why does a Jewish American Princess close her eyes during sex?
So she can fantasize about shopping!
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What is the difference between a Jewish American Princess and Jell-O?
Jell-O wiggles when you eat it.
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What is a JAP's favorite w(h)ine?
But he promised to marry me!

Why did Monica think Bill would marry her?
Bill gave her the ring from the cigar.
(that's okay a Monica gave Bill a lipstick ring!)
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According to Monica, if your cigar starts to smoke, you are doing it way to fast.  Monica recommends Kentucky Jelly (you do know what the postal abbreviation of Kentucky is, don't you?)
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Of course Bill should have known nit to have a JAP for an intern as everyone knows, JAPs do not swallow.
Yep, Bill did not inhale and Monica did not swallow.
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Why don't Sharks eat Jewish Princesses? Professional courtesy!
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Did you hear about the Jewish American Princess horror movie?
Debbie does dishes!
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How does a JAP call her children to dinner?

Get in the car!
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What is the difference between a JAP and a bowl of jello?

Jello moves when you eat it!
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Why does a JAP close her eyes when having sex?

She can't bear to see someone else enjoying themselves!
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How does a JAP screw in a light bulb?

She holds it up to the ceiling and waits for the world to revolve around her.



(True story: I told this one to a JAP girlfriend years ago, and her instantaneous and witty comeback was, "...which doesn't take too long.")
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What is the favorite cheer of a JAP cheerleader?
"Get that quarterback!  Get that quarter back!"
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How do you tell when a JAP has an orgasm/

She drops her nail file.
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Why do JAP's never get colostomies?

They can't find shoes that match the bag.
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Did you know that there is a Christian Jewish American Princess?! She even won a contest thanks to the boss of it conspiring against her opponents.
No, I did not. Who is she?!
Hillary Rodham Clinton
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What did the JAP say to her cowboy boyfriend? Get it up get it in don't mess up my hairdo!
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why does a jewish american princess have premature crows feet?  " you want me to suck what?"
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What's the difference between JAPs and Italian girls? Italian girls have fake jewelry and real orgasms.
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