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Jewish jokes

  
Requested in Society & Nature by Argo
edited by The Joker

35 Jokes

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What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter?
Harry escaped the chamber.
Shared by a contributor
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What do you do with a Jew with ADHD?
Send him to a concentration camp.
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What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
A canoe tips
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Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence.
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You: If I were dictator, I'd kill every Jew and one clown.
Her: Why the clown?
You: See? Nobody cares about the Jews!
Shared by The Joker
edited by MC Hacker
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Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says "hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"
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What's the difference between a circumcision and a crucifixion?
In a crucifixion they throw out the whole Jew.
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Did you hear about the Jewish porno?
It consists of 40 minutes of begging, 3 minutes of sex, and 17 minutes of guilt!
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Bill: I'm pretty famous. A Jewish holiday was named after my sex life.
John: Which one is that?
Bill: Passover.
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What is the difference between a large pizza and a Jew?
The large pizza won't scream when you put it in the oven!
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Did you hear about the Jewish Mother cash machine?
When you take out money it says "what did you do with the last $50 I gave you?"
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What's the definition of a genius?
A "C" student with a Jewish mother.
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What's the object in Jewish football games?
To get the quarter back!
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Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Someone dropped a shekel.
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Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
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How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
They all gather around their cash registers and sing "What a Friend we Have in Jesus..."
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How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home?
They put parking meters on the roof!
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How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to call the cleaning lady and two to feel guilty about it.
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Why does Hanukkah come before Christmas?
So Jews can break up with their non-Jewish girlfriends in between.
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Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free.
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The Jewish civilization is 6000 years old.
The Christian civilization is 2000 years old.
So apparently for 4000 years the Jews had to persecute themselves...
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How do you know a limo is owned by a Jew?
He's got a pay phone in the back.
Shared by a contributor
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How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, I'll sit in the dark. I'll be fine. Don't worry. It's okay. It's not like you ever come to visit me anyway! Oy!
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What is the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?
An Italian mother tells you "eat your dinner or I'll kill you!" A Jewish mother tells you "eat your dinner or I'll kill myself!"
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What is faster than a speeding bullet?
A Jew with a coupon!
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Two Jews saw a sign on a Catholic church that read "Convert to Catholicism and earn $100." After talking it over, one of the Jews decided it was worth it. He went in and came out 10 minutes later. The other Jew said to him "so? Did you get the $100?" The first Jew responded "it's always about money with you people, isn't it?!"
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What is a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage?
Genghis Cohen
Shared by a contributor
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They say there's safety in numbers... but try telling that to 6 million Jews!
Shared by a contributor
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How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews grabbed for the same penny.
Shared by a contributor
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Why is it bad being a black Jew?
You have to sit at the back of the oven.
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it took 15 years to get here.
10 years to get my family here.
and 6 decades to get my citizenship.
what am i ?
the story of how William Leumaga got to Australia
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orange jews 100% concentrated
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