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Little Johnny jokes

  
Requested in Misc. Themes by a contributor
edited by MC Hacker

11 Jokes

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The divorce judge asked Little Johnny which parent he wanted to live with. He replied "not my daddy - he beats me. But not my mommy either; she beats me too." Little Johnny thought for a minute and then exclaimed "I know! I want to live with the New Orleans Saints. They don't beat anybody!"
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Little Johnny was lost so he went up to a policeman and said "I've lost my dad."

"What's he like?" the policeman said.

Little Johnny replied "beer and women!"
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Teacher: "I am beautiful." Which tense is this?
Little Johnny: Obviously the past tense.
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The teacher wrote on the chalkboard "I ain't had no fun in months." Then she asked the class "how should I correct this sentence?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said "get yourself a new boyfriend!"
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Little Johnny was sitting restlessly in church, listening as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. He leaned over and asked his father "dad, if we give him the money now will he let us go?"
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The teacher asked Little Johnny "how can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"

"Uh... Just don't bite any," he replied.
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Mother: Why are you always so dirty?
Little Johnny: Because I'm a lot closer to the ground than you.
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"Little Johnny has been kidnapped!" his mother told his father. "They want $10,000 or they'll let us see him again."
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Little Johnny gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and peeks inside his parents bedroom as he passes by. He notices his mom going down on his dad. Little Johnny looks incredulously for a second, then shouts "you can't get mad at me for sucking my thumb after this!"
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Teacher: If I give you $200 and you give $50 to Mary, $50 to Kelly and $50 to Diana, what would you have?
Little Johnny: An orgy.
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Mother: I just found an S&M magazine in Little Johnny's closet! What should we do about this?
Father: Well, I don't think you should spank him.

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