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Man jokes

  
Requested in Relationships & Family by MC Hacker
edited by MC Hacker

32 Jokes

2 like 0 dislike
What is a man's definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
Shared by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't when it's going to come, how long it will last or how many inches you'll get.
1 like 0 dislike
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men screw anything.
1 like 0 dislike
How are men like parking places?
All the good ones are taken and all the rest are handicapped.
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1 like 0 dislike
What does a man and a rug have in common?
If they're laid right the first time you can always walk all over them.
1 like 0 dislike
How are men like cement?
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
1 like 0 dislike
What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men will miss all three!
1 like 0 dislike
What do men have in common with microwaves?
They're both done in 30 seconds.
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Why did god create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
1 like 0 dislike
Sally: I heard 90% of men don't know how to use a condom.
Sara: Yeah, they're called dads!
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1 like 0 dislike
What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
An insurance company
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1 like 0 dislike
They say men only think about sex. That's not true. They also care a lot about power, world domination, money, and beer!
1 like 0 dislike
How do you kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a 6-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one!
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How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
He's breathing.
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What do men have in common with trains?
They always stop before you get off.
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1 like 0 dislike
Men are like vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
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Guys are like roses... Watch out for the pricks.
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What is the difference between a man and a government bond?
Bonds mature.
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If you build a man a fire you keep him warm for a day. If you set a man on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life...
Shared by The Joker
edited by MC Hacker
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How does a man plan for the future?
By buying a second case of beer.
0 like 0 dislike
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Shared by a contributor
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There are just 2 4-letter words that are offensive to men: "don't" and "stop."
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Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
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Why don't men ever get Mad Cow Disease?
Because all men are pigs.
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Why do men take showers instead of baths?
Pissing in the bath is disgusting!
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Why do men never stop to ask for directions?
Because they aren't lost... they just don't know where they are.
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Men are like animals - messy, insensitive and prone to violence - but they make great pets.
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What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Return him.
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What do a man and a dog have in common?
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
0 like 0 dislike
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. He holds it and waits for the world to revolve around him!
0 like 0 dislike
What is the difference between a bar and a g-spot?
Most men have no trouble finding the bar.
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What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?
Men miss them all.
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