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Man vs Woman jokes

  

18 Jokes

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What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need and a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
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What is the difference between women and men?
One has morning sickness and the other has morning stiffness.
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What are a woman's favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, Jaguar in the garage, tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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What a woman says:

This place is a mess. C'mon!
You and I need to clean it up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do the laundry right now!

What a man hears:

blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
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Why do men prefer smart women?
Opposites attract.
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A bride-to-be tells her friend "Jim keeps telling everybody he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world." The friend says "what a shame! After all the time he was engaged to you?!”
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Men stand up to get knocked down while women lay down to get knocked up.
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Women are like iPhones. You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like a Blackberry. Rub one ball and everything moves!!
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Women don't make fools of men; most of them are do-it-yourself types.
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When does a woman care about a man's company?
When he owns it.
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How do you know a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
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Why do more women pay attention to improving their appearance than their minds?
Because most men are stupid but few are blind!
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Men who fight with their wives all day get no piece at night.
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Men have 2 heads but women have 4 lips!
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Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try  reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better  web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http  I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393.  web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http
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GET YOUR EX WIFE, EX GIRLFRIEND, EX BOYFRIEND AND SOLVE ALL TYPE OF PROBLEM THROUGH COVENANTSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM. My name is Enoch Davies
.my wife and I got married 6 years ago and we were so much in love with each other, we have 2 kids(josh and rebecca). One day my wife came back home from her friends place and she told me that she wants us to file for a divorce that she's no longer interested in our marriage, i was surprise and everything seem to me like a joke. after then i tried all my best to get her back but there was no way. but to no avail, my heart was broken, i wondered whats happening .i was on facebook when i saw a post on how  Dr Ewan helped a lady to bring back her lost husband. i was scared but because i love my wife so much and I am ready to do anything to bring her back. I decided to give it a try by contacting him via email:covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, So when i contacted him i narrated everything to him and he said my case is not a serious one that my husband will come back to me within 18 hours if i believe in his power.he told me to do some things to do which i did before 18 hours, my wife called me on phone and was crying for forgiveness. right now we are now a new branded family with more happiness, we are even going on vacation on xmas. please if any one of you out there is passing through same issue in your marriage, relationship issues contact Dr Ewan today or call or add him on whatsapp on +234905735398 or check out his webpage http://allwomenstalk.com/p/58034af4f725a97d108b4569. contact him today on covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com now.
. I will keep on sharing the good news about this. Thanks Dr.
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