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Mental Health jokes

  

13 Jokes

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3 insane men walk out of a mental hospital hoping to escape. The first says "if there's a high fence we'll dig under it!" The second says "if there's a low fence we'll jump over it!" The third says "we're out of luck. There's no fence." So instead they went back to their rooms.
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"There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you're all of them!"
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What's the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic?
A psychotic doesn't believe that 2 + 2 = 4.
A neurotic knows it's true but it bothers him.
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Doctor: I think you have a mental health disorder.
Patient: You're just jealous that the voices are talking to me!
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"My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems."
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Patient: I keep dreaming about necrophilia, sadism and bestiality!
Doctor: Forget it, you're beating a dead horse!
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"I've been very depressed lately. My wife threatened to leave me. But even that hasn't cheered me up!"
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"My inferiority complex isn't as good as yours."
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Why was the mental patient balancing almonds on his penis?
Because he's fucking nuts!
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"Of course I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice!"
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"I hate being bipolar. It's awesome!"
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Some people hear voices... Some see invisible people... Others have no imagination whatsoever.

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