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One Line jokes

  
Requested in Misc. Themes by MEl1a
edited by MC Hacker

37 Jokes

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How come wrong numbers are never busy?
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"I asked my mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me."
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When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing.
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The trouble with getting a life is making the payments.
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Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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If there's a best man at a wedding why doesn't the bride marry him instead?
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Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
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Everybody lies but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
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I'm not myself today... I think I'm you.
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Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns do the others have to drown too?
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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"Indecision may or may not be my problem."
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Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
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Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
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If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are their doors locked?
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Help wanted at dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
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How is it that Tarzan doesn't have a beard?
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If you can't read this you're illiterate.
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edited by MC Hacker
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Did you hear the joke about the roof? Nevermind, it's over your head...
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There are three kinds of people in this world... Those who can count and those who can't.
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Too many of us are spending money we didn't earn to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like.
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I'm good in bed. I can sleep all day.
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"My dream job is driving the short bus."
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"I spent a lot of time in juvenile detention because I was born at a very early age..."
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Who throws out the bouncer if he's drunk?
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!
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A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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Two wrongs do not make a right but three lefts do.
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He who laughs last thinks slowest.
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Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
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Throwing broken glass is wrong in some people's eyes.
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I used to be a people person... but people ruined that for me.
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Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it!
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Does anyone here have a giant catapult? No? Well, it was a long shot...
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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go!
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