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Pregnancy jokes

  

16 Jokes

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Pregnancy is like a promotion. Everyone's happy for you but they don't know how many times you were fucked to get there.
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How does a tree get pregnant?
By a woodpecker
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A woman asks her doctor "I'm two months pregnant. When will my baby move?" The doctor replies "With any luck right after he finishes school."
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Are birth control pills deductible?
Only if they don't work.
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Little Johnny: Mom, you're getting fat!
Mother: Yes, because I have a baby growing in my tummy.
Little Johnny: But what's growing in your butt?
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What 2 things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
Her feet
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why did the husband take his pregnant wife to Pizza Hut?
Because they advertised "Free Delivery."
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Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
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What is the best time to get an epidural?
Right after you find out you're pregnant.
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Professor: How would you describe what artificial insemination is?
Student: Copulation without representation.
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What is the most common pregnancy craving?
For the man to be the one who gets pregnant.
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Why did the pregnant woman eat rubber?
She wanted to have a bouncing baby.
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Why is it called "morning sickness" if you get it in the afternoon?
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Orthodox wedding: The bride's mother is pregnant.
Conservative wedding: The bride is pregnant.
Reform wedding: The rabbi is pregnant.
Reconstructionist wedding: The rabbi and her wife are both pregnant.
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What did researchers pinpoint as the primary cause of teenage pregnancy?
Dates

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