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Sex jokes

  

44 Jokes

4 like 0 dislike
What is the difference between sex for money and sex for free?
Sex for money usually costs a lot less.
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The sex was fast and furious... He was fast and she was furious!
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2 like 0 dislike
Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Nevermind, you won't get it!"
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2 like 0 dislike
"I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome."
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Boy: Do you like to play the drums?
Girl: No, why?
Boy: Because I want to bang you!
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edited by MC Hacker
2 like 0 dislike
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer!
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1 like 0 dislike
What's the difference between your job and your wife?
After 5 years your job still sucks!
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3 women were talking about their sex lives.
The first one said "My husband is like a championship golfer. He's spent years perfecting his stroke."
The second woman said "My husband is like an Indy 500 winner. Every time we go to bed he gives me over 100 thrilling laps."
They asked the third woman about her husband. She thought it over and said "My husband is like an Olympic gold-medal 1/4 mile sprinter."
"How so?" the other 2 asked.
"He's got his time under 40 seconds."
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A man finds a new brand of Olympic condoms at the store. He gets a pack and proudly shows his wife the pack. "Olympic condoms!?" she says. "So what makes them so special???"

"There are 3 colors" he tells her. "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "So which color will you wear tonight?" she whispers coyly in his ear, taking the pack from him.

"Gold of course," he says. "You should wear Silver instead," she says as she slaps the pack back at him, "it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
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My wife and I are into S & M.
She sleeps and I masturbate.
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Sex is like poker. If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand.
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1 like 0 dislike
What does a woman and KFC have in common?
By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in!
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Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
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Sex is like air... it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
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Why was the young man upset when he got a sweater for Christmas?
He was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
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The 3 biggest lies women tell:

1. You're the biggest.
2. You're the best.
3. It doesn't always taste like that.
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What do you call a woman that wants sex as much as you do?
A dream
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"Sex is like a misdemeanor... the more I miss it, da meaner I get!"
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What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaah?
About 3 inches
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1 like 0 dislike
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't."
Daughter: I know.
Mom: If he touches your vagina say "stop!"
Daughter: But he touched both so I said "don't stop!"
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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221!"
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Once a nurse came late to the hospital. The doctor called the nurse. "Why did you come late?" he asked her. The nurse said "I was getting a boy's pump but now we're out" so the doctor pushed her up against the wall and gave her his pump.
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What's a condom and a coffin got in common?
They both hold stiffs but one is cummin and one is going!
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1 like 0 dislike
boy : what hole do i put it in
girl : what did you say you have your nob in my ear
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0 like 0 dislike
Teacher: Why are you rubbing oil on your head when I'm teaching?
Boy: Last night I heard my mom tell my dad to rub oil on the head if it's not going in.
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Loose women tightened here.
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What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that can stay up all night!
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What is the best way to get into a sleeping bag?
Wake her up first.
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0 like 0 dislike
What is the difference between sugar and Sweet-n-Low?
Sugar is when you kiss her on the lips!
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Why do they say eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?
Because if you'll eat that stuff you'll eat anything!
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0 like 0 dislike
A woman pops into Radio Shack to ask for batteries. The clerk motions with his finger to follow her and says "come this way..." The woman exclaims "if I could come that way I wouldn't need batteries!"
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How do you get laid?
Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
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How do you make your girlfriend cry when you're having sex?
Phone her!
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What's the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
During erotic sex you use a feather. During kinky sex you use the whole chicken!
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What does it mean when a man in your bed is gasping for breath and calling out your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough!
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A man and woman are having sex in a dark forest. 15 minutes later the man gets up and says "damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says "so do I. You've been eating grass for the past 10 minutes!"
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Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try  reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better  web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http  I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393.  web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http
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what does AIDS stands for ?
Anally injected  death sentence !
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Adam davison is a gay
what you doing sed his dad
sorry i thought you were gay as well
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your face
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man : suck my knob
granny : two seconds
man : what you getting
granny : the hover
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are u gay
no why
well why are u banging me
sorry i thought it was my guide dog
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If you know you not ready for a relationship why get into one and still cheat and liar. I and my wife has been married for some years now,Lately she has been hiding her phone from me and keeping Late nights. I was curious about her cheating on me.I had no proof and no one to run to.I contacted a Private investigator who linked me up with Mr James(worldcyberhackers@gmail.com) via email.
He understood me well and helped me spy on my cheating wife.He gave me the password to my wife's Gmail and Facebook account and linked all my spouse WhatsApp and phone conversation to me, to find out the truth. He showed me proof of work and I just want to openly say thank you. Contact him today if you need help.
Worldcyberhackers@gmail.com
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