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Stupid Blonde jokes

  
Requested in Misc. Themes by Argo
edited by MC Hacker

38 Jokes

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Why did 18 blondes go to the movies together?
They heard that under 17 weren't admitted.
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What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
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What did the blonde do when she had her period?
Look around for the bastard who shot her!
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Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
She got an "F" in sex!
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A blonde walks into a doctor's office. "Doctor, what's wrong with me?" she says.
"I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts.
I touch my leg, ouch! It hurts.
I touch my head, ouch! It hurts.
I touch my chest, ouch! It really hurts!"
The doctor says "your finger is broken."
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A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. When the wife started having contractions the husband held her hand at the hospital through the trying birth. When she ended up having two baby boys the blonde guy angrily questioned his wife "all right, who's the other father?!"
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How can you tell if a blonde is rejecting a new brain transplant?
She sneezes.
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How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "hi."
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A policeman pulled over a blonde after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
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Did you hear about the blonde tap dancer?
She fell in the sink!
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What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer?
A hula hoop with a nail in it.
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How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One
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Why do blondes stand under light bulbs?
It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea.
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A blonde once shot an arrow into the air... but missed!
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A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home to find her dead in the bathtub.
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What do you call a blonde in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch Manager
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How do you recognize a blonde in school?
They're the only one who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the blackboard.
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How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
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A blonde tried to blow up her husband's car. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aids.
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Teacher: What's the capital of California?
Blond: That's easy. It's C.
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What does a blonde say after you blow in her ear?
"Thanks for the refill!"
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Mother: Oh my god! My baby swallowed a pin?!
Blonde: It's OK. It was a safety pin.
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Why did the blonde return the scarf she was given as a gift?
It was too tight.
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Why don't blondes breast-feed their babies?
It hurts when they boil their nipples.
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edited by MC Hacker
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What did the blonde do when she saw someone had written on the overhead transparency?
She flipped it over and used the other side.
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Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
The balls are lighter and you don't have to change shoes.
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Why did the blonde start taking the pill?
So she would know what day it was!
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Did you hear about the blonde who was depressed?
She decided to shoot herself and then her family.
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How does a blonde brush her teeth?
She holds the toothbrush and moves her head up and down.
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Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed?
So she could see how long she slept.
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What did the blonde say when the guy drowning in a lake yelled out for a life saver?
"Grape or Cherry?"
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How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off!
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How do you shut up a blonde?
Stick her in front of a mirror and tell her not to speak until the other one does.
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Why do blondes have square boobs?
They forget to take the tissues out of the box!
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Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering it?
The noise was giving her a headache!
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Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
She was stuck in a trap. She chewed off 3 of her legs and was still stuck.
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Batman, Superman, and a smart blonde all died the same day. Which one got to Heaven first?
None of them. They're all make-believe.
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