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Wife jokes

  

28 Jokes

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A husband asks his wife "Do you know the meaning of wife? It means "Without Information Fighting Everytime!" His wife replies "no, it actually means 'With Idiot For-Ever."
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Why was the germ mad at his wife?
She was a flu-zy!
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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A man came home one day and checked his answering machine. There was a message from the doctor saying "I'm very sorry to tell you this Mr. Jones, but your wife has been in a terrible accident. Please come to the hospital right away!" The man rushed to the hospital and found the doctor. "Where's my wife? What happened? Is she okay???" The doctor replied "she was in a horrible accident. She's paralyzed from the neck down. From now on, you're going to have to dress her, feed her, bathe her, put her to bed, and help her with the simplest of tasks." As he's hearing this, the man is shaking his head in despair, muttering "no, nooo... please, please tell me this isn't happening!" The doctor puts his arm on the man's shoulder, smiles, and says "aw, man, I'm sorry. I was just fucking with you! She's dead."
Shared by NumeroOcho
edited by MC Hacker
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What's the problem with marrying Ms. Right?
When her first name is Always.
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"My wife says I never listen to her. At least that's what I think she said."
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What do you do when the washing machine breaks down?
Slap her a couple of times!
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If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you what did you do wrong?
Made her chain too long.
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"The trouble with my marriage is that after she said 'I Do' she didn't!"
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Paramedic: When did you first notice your wife was dead?
Man: Well, the sex was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up.
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Son: Dad, is it true that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That's no different than here.
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What is the perfect wife?
A good-looking nymphomaniac chef who owns a liquor store.
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Peter: But if you take away that actress' beautiful hair, her fantastic breasts, stunning figure, and perfect features what are you left with?
Larry: My wife!
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What is the difference between your wife and a washing machine?
You don't have to hug your washing machine for 20 minutes after you dump your load in it!
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What do you do if your boiler explodes?
Buy her some flowers.
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A husband has been having sex with his wife for 30 minutes. She looks up at him and says "what's the matter? Why are you taking so long?" He says "sorry, I just can't think of anyone."
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Dick had been trying to lose some annoying weight for a while. Unfortunately he couldn't afford to get divorced...
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"I've often wanted to drown my troubles but I can't get my wife to go swimming!"
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"Peter went to town and got a bottle of wine for his wife. It was one of the best deals he ever made!"
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"My wife looks like a million dollars... wrinkled and green!"
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"I have terrible luck. My best friend ran away without my wife!"
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What is the difference between your wife and your lover?
30 minutes
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Why does a witch ride on a broom?
Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall!
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Patient: I need help. I can't get an erection.
Doctor: Don't worry. Your wife didn't give me an erection either!
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"I treat my wife like a sex object. Whenever I ask for sex she objects!"
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Hallmark card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
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i met a guy called Sam ,he helped me hack into my spouse INSTAGRAM,KIK,FACEBOOK AND GMAIL. Now i can monitor my spouse day to day messages and activities with out him knowing .he is very kind and i compensated him after his services. contact him at : cyberphoneways@gmail.com. Number:+16066579237. INSTAGRAME: Samhoffman3.. ...you can try him out?
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