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30 Jokes

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A husband asks his wife "Do you know the meaning of wife? It means "Without Information Fighting Everytime!" His wife replies "no, it actually means 'With Idiot For-Ever."
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Why was the germ mad at his wife?
She was a flu-zy!
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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A man came home one day and checked his answering machine. There was a message from the doctor saying "I'm very sorry to tell you this Mr. Jones, but your wife has been in a terrible accident. Please come to the hospital right away!" The man rushed to the hospital and found the doctor. "Where's my wife? What happened? Is she okay???" The doctor replied "she was in a horrible accident. She's paralyzed from the neck down. From now on, you're going to have to dress her, feed her, bathe her, put her to bed, and help her with the simplest of tasks." As he's hearing this, the man is shaking his head in despair, muttering "no, nooo... please, please tell me this isn't happening!" The doctor puts his arm on the man's shoulder, smiles, and says "aw, man, I'm sorry. I was just fucking with you! She's dead."
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edited by MC Hacker
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What's the problem with marrying Ms. Right?
When her first name is Always.
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"My wife says I never listen to her. At least that's what I think she said."
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What do you do when the washing machine breaks down?
Slap her a couple of times!
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If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you what did you do wrong?
Made her chain too long.
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"The trouble with my marriage is that after she said 'I Do' she didn't!"
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Paramedic: When did you first notice your wife was dead?
Man: Well, the sex was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up.
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Son: Dad, is it true that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That's no different than here.
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What is the perfect wife?
A good-looking nymphomaniac chef who owns a liquor store.
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Peter: But if you take away that actress' beautiful hair, her fantastic breasts, stunning figure, and perfect features what are you left with?
Larry: My wife!
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What is the difference between your wife and a washing machine?
You don't have to hug your washing machine for 20 minutes after you dump your load in it!
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What do you do if your boiler explodes?
Buy her some flowers.
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A husband has been having sex with his wife for 30 minutes. She looks up at him and says "what's the matter? Why are you taking so long?" He says "sorry, I just can't think of anyone."
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Dick had been trying to lose some annoying weight for a while. Unfortunately he couldn't afford to get divorced...
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"I've often wanted to drown my troubles but I can't get my wife to go swimming!"
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"Peter went to town and got a bottle of wine for his wife. It was one of the best deals he ever made!"
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"My wife looks like a million dollars... wrinkled and green!"
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"I have terrible luck. My best friend ran away without my wife!"
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What is the difference between your wife and your lover?
30 minutes
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Why does a witch ride on a broom?
Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall!
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Patient: I need help. I can't get an erection.
Doctor: Don't worry. Your wife didn't give me an erection either!
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"I treat my wife like a sex object. Whenever I ask for sex she objects!"
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Hallmark card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
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GET YOUR EX WIFE, EX GIRLFRIEND, EX BOYFRIEND AND SOLVE ALL TYPE OF PROBLEM THROUGH COVENANTSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM. My name is Enoch Davies
.my wife and I got married 6 years ago and we were so much in love with each other, we have 2 kids(josh and rebecca). One day my wife came back home from her friends place and she told me that she wants us to file for a divorce that she's no longer interested in our marriage, i was surprise and everything seem to me like a joke. after then i tried all my best to get her back but there was no way. but to no avail, my heart was broken, i wondered whats happening .i was on facebook when i saw a post on how  Dr Ewan helped a lady to bring back her lost husband. i was scared but because i love my wife so much and I am ready to do anything to bring her back. I decided to give it a try by contacting him via email:covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, So when i contacted him i narrated everything to him and he said my case is not a serious one that my husband will come back to me within 18 hours if i believe in his power.he told me to do some things to do which i did before 18 hours, my wife called me on phone and was crying for forgiveness. right now we are now a new branded family with more happiness, we are even going on vacation on xmas. please if any one of you out there is passing through same issue in your marriage, relationship issues contact Dr Ewan today or call or add him on whatsapp on +234905735398 or check out his webpage http://allwomenstalk.com/p/58034af4f725a97d108b4569. contact him today on covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com now.
. I will keep on sharing the good news about this. Thanks Dr.
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If you know you not ready for a relationship why get into one and still cheat and liar. I and my wife has been married for some years now,Lately she has been hiding her phone from me and keeping Late nights. I was curious about her cheating on me.I had no proof and no one to run to.I contacted a Private investigator who linked me up with Mr James(worldcyberhackers@gmail.com) via email.
He understood me well and helped me spy on my cheating wife.He gave me the password to my wife's Gmail and Facebook account and linked all my spouse WhatsApp and phone conversation to me, to find out the truth. He showed me proof of work and I just want to openly say thank you. Contact him today if you need help.
Worldcyberhackers@gmail.com
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Should you ever require the services of a hacker, i implore you to try your very best to hire only professionals. hackintechnology@gmail.com will increase your chances of getting your job completed. i was able to hire the services of an elite, asides the fact that i was provided a permanent solution to the service he rendered me but he gave a very efficient customer experience. he carried me along with every process and didnt leave me in the dark. contact him via email/phone hackintechnology@gmail.com 13057712040
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